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Single, childless and nearing 40, I saw one real option
CNN ^ | 04/25/2017 | Sarah Lenti

Posted on 04/26/2017 6:18:53 AM PDT by BJ1

Fast forward to my 38th birthday. I was still single, and the world of dating had changed significantly in the last eight years. Tinder and Bumble, the dominant dating apps, offered countless options for single men and women, but made the experience of dating entirely impersonal.

Dating amounted to small talk with a stranger, who you had briefly interfaced with online because you each thought the other attractive. The small talk was a prelude to hooking up, and there were no expectations even of a text the next day.

It was brutal. And after trying my hand at it, I was no closer to finding the love of my life or starting a family. If I needed statistics to back me up, I had them. In 2014, marriage was on the decline, as was the fertility rate in the United States.

I had one real option left -- and that was to attempt to get pregnant alone.

(Excerpt) Read more at cnn.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: ivf; lenti; sarah; singlemom
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To: NorthMountain

Phew! Another angry guy. These threads always bring them out, lol.


141 posted on 04/26/2017 7:38:10 AM PDT by miss marmelstein
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To: originalbuckeye

Women used to have children into their 40’s before birth control and abortion.

http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/topic_display.cfm?tcid=134
https://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/births-to-mothers/


142 posted on 04/26/2017 7:38:40 AM PDT by smileyface (Things looking up in RED PA! I love President Trump!)
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To: miss marmelstein

You’re wrong. Again. I would think being wrong would get tiresome ...


143 posted on 04/26/2017 7:39:24 AM PDT by NorthMountain (The Democrats ... have lost their grip on reality -DJT)
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To: John O

I think 22 is too young a cut off. Most of my family married at 23-26 yrs and I think 28yrs is no real problem. First baby before 30 yrs is key and last preferably by 40 yrs.


144 posted on 04/26/2017 7:41:36 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: Mrs. Don-o

I didn’t expect a logical answer, with regards to nature or science, I was expecting an emotional answer since that seems to be a female characteristic when discussing these kinds of science issues.

So let me explain this concept called “statistics”. It doesn’t care about your “feels”. Its this thing that describes the odds of something happening.

https://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-30s_1494695.bc

Goldfarb, who sees couples struggling with fertility issues every day in his Cleveland practice, puts the statistics into perspective: “There’s a clear drop-off in fertility between ages 29 and 35, but the majority of 35-year-old women still won’t have a problem,” he says. “However, by 38 or 39, age becomes a big factor.”

Also add in Down’s Syndrome and other birth defects. Life expectancy was much shorter in the past, so humans reproduction evolved in an environment where life expectancy was much shorter than at present.


145 posted on 04/26/2017 7:42:33 AM PDT by baltimorepoet
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To: miss marmelstein

Well this is a very enlightening thread. We sure tackle the tough issues here at Free Republic.


146 posted on 04/26/2017 7:42:36 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: Mrs. Don-o

Problem is that the odds of serious defects rises rapidly with age. Are you ready to deal with a Down’s Syndrome kid - not just at 40, but continuing to at 50 or 60? Don’t get me wrong, it’s just an objective look at the statistics & consequences.

I used to live in NY; most all kids were normal/healthy (generally speaking).
I moved to GA; now I see what the REAL birth-defect statistics are, when the local culture doesn’t abort them. They are loved; nonetheless, they are a heavy load to bear - consider whether the two of you can handle such special needs, as some people can’t.

A friend had 15 kids, AFAIK all “healthy”, running late into her 40s. Yes, you can have healthy kids past 38. Just be aware that the odds of problems rise substantially with age, and that if you’re going to make a kid please ensure you’re healthy enough _yourself_ to in turn gestate a healthy child, and healthy enough to cope (for decades) with problems should they occur.


147 posted on 04/26/2017 7:43:05 AM PDT by ctdonath2 (It's not "white privilege", it's "Puritan work ethic". Behavior begets consequences.)
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To: Opinionated Blowhard

Not so easy to adopt as a single parent unless you want to accept handicapped or “problem” children.


148 posted on 04/26/2017 7:43:12 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: ladyjane
What kind of advice should she give? Marry early before the men find out they can get it for free later on?

Yes. A 20-24 year old woman is generally at her peak attractiveness. Find a guy willing to marry her (probably in the age range 25-30) and nail him down.

The downfall of many women at that age is they can get dates from lots of exciting, interesting, handsome desirable guys PROVIDED that no-strings sex is offered. The pool of guys willing to actually MARRY her does not contain as many handsome, desirable, exciting men.

149 posted on 04/26/2017 7:43:41 AM PDT by PapaBear3625 (Big government is attractive to those who think that THEY will be in control of it.)
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To: glasseye

Yep. I’ve heard that disproportionate numbers of criminals and prisoners have one thing in common — they have not had fathers in their lives growing up.

Which is not to say that this woman’s children will become criminals, but, statistically, they are at higher risk of getting into trouble. It can be hard for a mother to give the discipline and attention to young boys that a father can.


150 posted on 04/26/2017 7:45:24 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: miss marmelstein

Yep.


151 posted on 04/26/2017 7:45:36 AM PDT by Stentor
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To: NorthMountain

/// My post is a simple statement of fact. ///

Don’t bring facts into this.

When discussing issues affecting feminism, liberalism, SJW-ism or women, only “feels” matter.


152 posted on 04/26/2017 7:45:37 AM PDT by baltimorepoet
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To: jimbug
Here’s a choice: save virginity for your husband on your wedding night.

Yep.

153 posted on 04/26/2017 7:45:58 AM PDT by Slyfox (Where's Reagan when we need him? Look in the mirror - the spirit of The Gipper lives within you.)
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To: oh8eleven
We, as 65+ y/o grandparents, feel like we've been in a UFC match every time the grandkids come over.

That's the tragedy of kids being born late/ waiting to have kids that few people think of. You deprive your grandchildren.

If you have a kid at 25 and your kid at 25 then you will be a 50 year old grandparent, which is still youthful enough to help your kids and be an active member in your grand kids lives.

If you have a kid at 35 and your kid at 35 then you will be a 70 year old grandparent, which is usually too old to be much help to your kids and be active with your grandkids and unfortunately you will likely die before your grandkids grow up and they won't remember much of you.

154 posted on 04/26/2017 7:46:53 AM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: redangus

My point is all that may be true (I suspect it’s rather more balanced though on where the blame goes) — but it doesn’t matter where we put the blame.

It matters where God puts the blame.


155 posted on 04/26/2017 7:48:21 AM PDT by SarahPalin2012
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To: miss marmelstein
That may be so. I had my first and only successful pregnancy/birth at 38, but this fine son was followed by two miscarriages. I would have gone on doggedly "trying," but neither my husband nor myself could emotionally face more miscarriages.

So for boy #2, we adopted.

156 posted on 04/26/2017 7:48:23 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("With my luck, if I were a politician I would be an honest man." - Rodney Dangerfield)
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To: sodpoodle

The nice part is that she will be out and about with those children and may find a man with a child who she will have a lot in common with. Many blended families exist and that may be in the cards for her.


157 posted on 04/26/2017 7:48:51 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: BJ1

The only thing I find more entertaining than the struggles of a woman hitting “The Wall” is a mosquito hitting a bug zapper.


158 posted on 04/26/2017 7:48:56 AM PDT by baltimorepoet
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To: qam1

Interesting point, which not too many people think about.

This woman, single mom at 40, will be 50 when her boys are 10, and 60 when they are 20. If they delay marriage and/or don’t have children till their mid 30s or later, she may not even live long enough to be a grandmother at all.


159 posted on 04/26/2017 7:50:02 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: BJ1

If you are on Tinder you want to hook up not date. There are plenty of online dating sites where people are searching for marriage or long term relationships. There are matchmaking services that deal with serious professionals looking for marriage. It will cost you $2,000 but you will be introduced to quality people.


160 posted on 04/26/2017 7:50:17 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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