[KarlInOhio]

"...I think bears are adorable and I am unafraid of them. This can largely be explained by the fact that, except for one brief camping experience out West, I’ve never even had the opportunity to be afraid of the snuggly-wuggly tickle-me Teddies. Almost all the bears I’ve known have been named Yogi, Fozzy, Smokey, Big, Medium, or Baby, or they’ve been behind bars at the zoo. I’ve had friends who hail from parts of North America where they have, to paraphrase Jimmy Carter, 'an inordinate fear' of bears. One extremely close friend of mine (name withheld by writer for personal protection) is from Alaska and she gets very cross when I say I’d like to have 'Mr. Bear' as a pet. She keeps saying things like, 'Jonah, you idiot, they eat people from the Upper West Side of Manhattan too! You think a higher bagel-content makes you inedible?' Lies, I say. I bet if you just scratch them right there under the chin they just roll over and leave you alone.

"Nevertheless, today’s Washington Post reports that bear-spray manufacturers are getting a lot of heat. It turns out that their products tend to do what I’d like to them to do rather than what the bear-o-phobes would like. You see bear spray attracts Mr. Bear, the way an intern smeared and tied to a stake attracts Mr. Clinton (I guess Mr. Bear would dig that too, but for different reasons). One brand is basically a re-labeled pepper spray for 98-pound inner-city crackheads (them I know plenty about). But apparently pepper spray on bears in excess of 400 pounds tends to have a different effect than what you’d expect in a repellent, something like, 'Hey! Mexican food!'"

--Jonah Goldberg

[Candor7]

pepper spray on bears in excess of 400 pounds tends to have a different effect than what you’d expect in a repellent, something like, ‘Hey! Mexican food!’” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

That’s what I heard too, from people who tried to use it on grizzlies.

Its eau de bruno!

[Theophilus]

"Hey Mexican food"

Exactly what I was thinking.