Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They'd Never Had Children

Elle (UK) ^ | Dec. 15, 2016 | Sarah Treleaven

[MoochPooch]

It's unthinkable, and it's definitely unspeakable, but women all over the world are coming forward to say it: I regret having my children.

Here's the thing about realising that you shouldn't have had kids," says Laura*, 37, a journalist based in Los Angeles. "You can't take the decision back."

Laura once believed that she wanted to be a mother. She had little direct experience with children—no siblings young enough to need tending to, no babysitting jobs—and when she and her husband decided to start a family, she wondered if she knew enough about what that meant. "I asked some friends if we could get the basics from them and they ran us through the general infant care stuff in maybe 45 minutes," she says. "In retrospect, it was laughably insufficient. I really didn't know what I was in for."

Laura got pregnant easily. But once her son was born, she was overwhelmed and frustrated, prone to lengthy crying jags, and consumed by boredom and dissatisfaction.

Some might call this postpartum depression, but the cloud never lifted. Laura knew there was a different force at work. "The regret hit me when the grandmas went home and my husband went back to the office and I was on my own with him," she says. "I realized that this was my life now—and it was unbearable."

[thecodont]

May God shower His blessings and love on you.

[thecodont]

Has got to be very painful feeling that your mom hates you as a child. Maybe hate is too strong a word.

Maybe it isn't strong enough.

[marychesnutfan]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

I do in one way feel He already has, I am here and thanking him and He has given me a good loving husband! (that is how our pastor put it - we didn’t “find” each other God brought us together)

[AppyPappy]

“Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Children”

Put it up for adoption then. Helllooooo????

[shhrubbery!]

Being a mom is hard, no question. To do right by your children, you really do have to sacrifice much of your personal life for, oh, 18 years at least.

While my four children were smalle, I had to ask God to give me strength about 50 times a day. Can't imagine getting through this phase without having a strong faith.

That I believe is what's going on with these regretful mothers today - they probably have no background of faith.

[Wallace T.]

Look at Israel and Jewish-American populations for examples. Orthodox and observant Jews have higher birth rates than do their secular and liberal counterparts. Furthermore, the latter are more likely to marry non-Jews and over time their descendants will lose their Jewish identity, becoming just a part of their genetic inheritance. Should the faithful, observant Jews maintain their tradition over several generations, they will become the dominant population by sheer numbers.

Other than the Amish and Mennonites, and to some extent the Mormons, the Christian world has not produced a large community that will preserve their cultural and religious inheritance.

[Mears]

“When I’m in Toronto, and I walk around the streets downtown, all I see are miserable women (and men too, let’s be fair), most of them are childless, husband-less, often drunk.”

---

Exaggerate much?

How on earth would you know that these people are childless and husband-less ??????????????

.

[Does so]

The contraceptive mentality triumphant.

On the first day of 1961's Sociology 101 class, my professor smugly asked, "What will the ultimate effect of birth control become?".

I had no idea at the time, but that eventually became the most troubling question of my life.

[Bookwoman]

My daughter decided not to have children and I applaud her decision. She does not have the patience or temperament for a 24/7 job like that and it would not be rewarding. My son and his wife had a child last year after trying for a long time. He works out of his home so both parents can spend a lot of time with their son. They are such good parents and are experiencing so much love as they care for this precious child! It is all in attitude. Self-absorbed people should not have kids.

[MoochPooch]

I’d have been a terrible mother.

So would I.

I could barely take care of myself, let alone a young life. Childrearing is a big responsibility (as is marriage), and I'm lucky to have realized it.

I still feel a little wistful, but I know that I cannot compare myself to someone raised with the right family, right values, right environment, right community. I was pretty orphaned.

[MoochPooch]

It is disastrous when mothers say this. My mother did and the result, besides aborted siblings, is one permanently incarcerated (for being an abusive pedophile), one dead (froze on street) and the last one (me) who tried to kill herself at 14 and never had children so what happened to me would never be repeated and who also felt...unloveable. To feel that way is a special kind of hell.

I'm so sorry to hear your story. Mine was similar in that my mother, a disturbed and depressed individual, probably should never have gotten married, let alone have children. She destroyed my brothers.

I try to be grateful that she at least gave me life. Religion helped to make it meaningful. Maybe it was just as well that my family was secular; otherwise, given our dynamics, I would have become hostile toward religion.

I can't help wondering if many of these SJW types grew up with kooky mothers. Instead, everyone blames the fathers.

[Catholic Canadian]

I worded that badly, people I meet/know, additionally I’m in hipsterville/artsy area, many gay people, singles, lots of nightlife. I’m reasonably sure people in the pubs/nightlife on a regular basis aren’t raising families.

[MayflowerMadam]

I’ve posted my opinion here before and have been pig-piled on because of it. Apparently some believe that being a bad parent is better than being childless. The home I was raised in pretty much sucked, too.