I Don't Want To Be The Breadwinner In My Marriage Anymore! [Hypergamy Genetics Wins Again]

NPR ^ | December 3, 2016 | Staff

[C19fan]

Dear Sugars,

My husband has a life that many people who are "rule-followers," like me, would envy. When I first met him, it was undeniably a passionate love affair. I'd never dated anyone or known anyone like him before. He took risks, lived all over the world, had many passions and has been a loyal friend. He's seven years older than I am, and we met at work, where his power and seniority at the office was insanely attractive to me. The year we got married, he wanted to take a risk and go back to graduate school to find his dream job. I trusted his judgment, and between his savings, my new job, and some sacrifices, we comfortably lived while he went through two years of graduate school. My husband now has his dream job. I'm proud of everything he's accomplished and what we were able to do together to make it happen.

Over the past four years, my career has skyrocketed in ways I never could have dreamed of. I've broken through the hypothetical glass ceiling in a male-dominated industry. I am a huge believer in women in the workplace and always will be. If they become the breadwinners in marriage, more power to them.

Now herein lies my problem — I became the breadwinner in an extreme way. I committed to supporting us for two years, but we're going on four now, and it will likely be five. Our income divide is so extreme that I pay for 90 percent of our living expenses. What I've found is I can't live this girl-power lifestyle that I believe in.

[PLMerite]

I worked with a guy in your situation, except he wasn’t so sanguine about it.

IIRC, I told him to kick her ass.

When last I heard, he hadn’t taken my advice.

[PLMerite]

“We’ve been married 30 years, so something must be going right. “

Yeah, she’s probably got a ton of money stashed away somewhere.

[visualops]

that’s what I was thinking.