Stay away from her-—your own sobriety is the most important thing.
Without that you will have nothing.
.
The one thing that seems to be improving is my time to recovery.
When my heart was broken as a teen, I would have a bad year.
When my heart was broken in my 20’s, I would have a bad few months.
When my heart was broken in my 30’s, I would have a bad few weeks.
When my heart was broken in my 40’s, I would have a few bad days.
Now that I am in my 50’s, I seem to have a few bad hours.
Also, all you have said is true. I have no business being around this woman. There’s some stuff I have been not talking about, namely that when she came to stay, her behavior was different. She was staying out until 10 and left a day early. I came to the conclusion that she was with this guy all along and just used me and lied.
Confronted her by text, she denied of course, but there is a very bad bottom line. Either she is lying again or not, but bottom line is I don’t trust her. Too much experience those five years ago when she manipulated and used me near-to-death.
I cannot build anything on that.
She has a ton of qualities I want. Very attractive physically; great sense of humor; understands my sense of humor. Intelligent.
But the negatives so outweigh the positives.
I can move on with no problems or hitches. I will let the friendship die too.
Good advice. Over the years and through one long-term relationship and one marriage, I observed BOTH sides of the coin: sobriety and actively LUI; and it took me a long time to finally understand that I couldn't fix it no matter what I said or did. The LUI was nothing but trouble. Learned that the hard way. Years later, I married the "sober" one thinking it would be "safe". Later I realized I had made another mistake - he was a "dry drunk" - full of anger, needy and depressed. We had some good days, some good weeks, a few good years. But overall, it was very exhausting. After 13 years, I walked/ran. It was heartbreaking to leave that man - I really loved him. But my sanity, my health and my life finally took priority in the scheme of things. Please stay healthy and mindful of your own limits, Laz.