Posted on 08/21/2015 5:58:17 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Today is Bill Clinton's birthday. Hillary sent Bill an e-birthday card and out of habit she immediately deleted it. ~ Conan
***
Today, Hillary Clinton released an ad that emphasized her humble economic background. In the ad she says, "Just 15 years ago, my family and I were evicted from our house." ~ Conan
***
Jeb Bush cheated on his diet and had a fried Snickers bar, pork on a stick, and a beer. Jeb Bush said he ate it so at least he could see some of his numbers go up. ~ Conan
***
There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term — because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly. ~ Fallon
***
This weekend many of the Republican candidates said they used a fit bit. In fact, Jeb Bush uses his to see how much distance he can put between himself and his last name. ~ Conan
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According to a new report, the word that Donald Trump said most often in last week’s debate was “I'm.” The word he says the least: “Sorry.” ~ Fallon
***
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said today that Hillary Clinton's arrogance is “breathtaking.” Of course, he also said the same thing about a flight of stairs.
***
Donald Trump’s new policy paper would not give automatic citizenship to children born in America if they have foreign parents. Said Trump, “It’s nothing personal, Sasha and Malia.” ~ Meyers
Tidy Bowl Operation
- Hillary’s dump of emails is so big, we need a plunger.
- Those who said Hillary didn’t give a crap about national security were dead wrong.
- Hillary on the server controversy: “I ain’t no ways turd!”
- Code name for her server wipe: Ty-D-Bol.
- Just wiping the server [is now] bathroom humor.
- Now that her server’s been found in a bathroom, when Hillary says she’s getting to the bottom of this, it takes on a whole new meaning.
- And you have to wonder, if the American people won’t take this standing up or sitting down.
- Given the latest news on Hillary’s server in a bathroom, her campaign’s now officially circling the drain.
- Reports are that Mrs. Clinton’s server was wiped multiple times a day, and a bidet was also used for good measure.
- When asked about Hillary’s email scandal, Bill Clinton candidly confessed: “Ain’t no way to polish this turd. … I have never seen Hillary so pi–ed off in my life before.”
- "Now that her server's been found in a bathroom, when Hillary says she's getting to the bottom of this, it takes on a whole new meaning."
- Why would Hillary hide her email server in the bathroom? Depends.
- You have to wonder. The American people won't take this standing up or sitting down.
- Given the latest news on Hillary's server in the bathroom her campaign's now officially circling the drain.
Does this person look innocent?
Good Morning!
She was standing in the
kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she
turned to me and said softly “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought, “I
am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all, right there on the kitchen
table.
Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and
returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”
She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”
|
At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.
Someone had to remind me, So I’m reminding you, too.
Don’t laugh..... It is all true!
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70 & beyond!
...
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge..
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:
Never, NEVER,NEVER, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!
LOL!
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Excellent!
Hooray for that! Said the Zebras, natives and all the others he preyed upon.
My sister calls it crop-dusting.
My friend calls me “Pootenanny”
Free-farting.....sounds lie a Tom Petty song.
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We call it crop dusting!
Lol!
That’s a good one.
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