The “Masturbation for 30 Years” caught my attention. I guess if you stop at 29 years and 6 months, you are okay. So long as you don’t engage in “Deranged Masturbation”, which is a separate reason in itself. I’m thinking if you keep a poster of Elizabeth Warren on your bedroom ceiling and wear an Indian headdress to bed, you might be suspect.
Who did the "monitoring" for those 30 years?