Happy 4th of July FReepers
Posted on 07/03/2015 9:11:52 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Independence Day is marked by fireworks, barbecues and parades.
Previously called "rockets," the term "fireworks" was not established until 1777.
Later fireworks that made a noise were invented and called "fire crackers" and by 1880 sparklers had been created.
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
4th of July JokesThe difference between a duck and George Washington is:
One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty!
What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at Albuquerque's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
'This baked ham is really delicious,' the priest teased the rabbi. 'You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden. You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs Warren's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?'
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, 'At your wedding.'
Mrs Whyte, his teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the "Pledge of Allegiance"*** and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.
As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag........', when her eyes are drawn to Andy who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.
'Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart,' she demands.
Andy looks up and replies, 'It is over my heart.'
After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte enquires, 'Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?'
'Well Miss,' answers Andy, 'because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, "Bless your little heart," and my Grandma never lies.'
Message from Her Majesty The QueenTo the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson served on the committee that picked the eagle for the national seal [Franklin wanted the turkey].
Bald eagles have few natural enemies and live only in North America.
Bald eagles get their white head and tail feathers about 4/5 years of age.
Bald eagles are not, and never were bald. The term comes from when "bald" meant "white-headed".
Their maximum speed: 40 mph or over 100 mph while in a dive.
They can lift roughly half their body weight.
The Bald Eagle is no longer considered endangered, and now only threatened.
The only other kind of eagle in North America is the golden eagle.
Bald eagles mate for life, but if one dies, the survivor will accept a new mate.
It is a felony to shoot an eagle.
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Top 10.
top 10, or something
TOP TEN!
I’m here, for now.
You got that right.
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Doctor says, "Stashu, you're overweight and out of shape. What I want you to do is run 10 miles for the next seven days and then call me."
A week goes by and Stashu calls the doctor.
"So how's the sex life, Stashu?"
And Stashu says, "I don't know, doc. I'm 70 miles from home."
Hi Everybody.
Sorry I am late.
Woe is me...
Calvin and Hobbs was a funny comic strip.
Stop it, you’re going to give the poor kid PTSD.
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