As a turtle expert, I officially identify you as a Painted Terrapin turtle. And in a way, that’s fortunate for you.
Because you are an endangered species. You are therefore eligible for many federal benefits and protections. And you are not to be interfered with in any way, by anyone, when you go anywhere (supermarket, etc.).
Just be sure to put turtle in parentheses after your name when you sign anything.
LOL!
Pity. Nero Wolfe bragged about the joys of terrapin to "Les Quinze Maîtres". Would have been worth trying.