Like this guy?
(Note: pic is from the movie, "Raising Arizona." (1987))
Posted on 04/19/2015 2:37:37 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows
Less than one month after my husband and I got married—before I even mailed thank you notes for our wedding gifts—I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test.
Eight and a half months into our marriage, while we were still getting comfortable in our roles as husband and wife, we suddenly became mom and dad. I won’t say that our son was poorly planned—we were both anxious to start our family—but I will say that in hindsight becoming a mother in the same year that you become a wife is not for the weak.
The first year of our son’s life was the most difficult of our marriage to date and it is also the year I learned a very important lesson: My husband must always come before our children.
Don’t get me wrong; I love my kids and would do anything for them. But I love my husband more.
When I share this with my mom friends, it’s usually met with outrage and total shock. After all, this goes against the golden rule of motherhood, the one that tells us being a good parent means sacrificing all for the happiness and well-being of our children.
Putting aside our own needs for theirs is practically a requirement but I’m sorry, I’m just not buying it.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
Thank you, but not really that wise...
Other centered rather than self centered was pretty much the way children were raised before we let "enlightened idiots" tell us how wrong we were to raise them that way...
I hope your children realize how fortunate they are.
Oh' I still get the occasional phone call... "Dad, help !!!"
That’s true, and she didn’t say she put his needs ahead of young children’s needs, but that she put him first, loved him more. That’s as it should be. I always shudder when I see a woman loving her kids more, putting their whims ahead of her husband. eeeek
But wife and husband are to become one. Whether or not you can replace him (or her) is not the issue.
Ever heard “The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mom”????
And if you have 3 kids? or 7??
The unspoken background, one hopes, is that the husband is not a narcissistic nincompoop who maximizes his own “needs” while minimizing the children’s. The same is true if the article were a husband saying he’ll “always put his wife before his kids.”
Adults are supposed to have the wisdom to discern genuine “needs,” prioritize legitimate “wants,” and sacrifice self-centered “whims.” If they won’t make a serious effort at this process of maturity, then they’re just bigger, messier, and more expensive children.
You are so right. I appreciate the way you put this, it’s exactly right.
That simple advice is the number one thing parents, even blended families can do to have a productive fun family life...
When that bond is broken, it leads to manipulation, frustration and strife within a family
Kids learn at an early age to pit mom against dad and visa versa...
The first question I asked my kids was when requesting to do something "What did you mom say"
"If she said "NO" what makes you think I will give you permission...I trust your mother judgment"
If I thought she was being too hard or unfair, it was a subject we discussed behind closed doors...
Parents today are too afraid to "hurt" their children "feelings" and according to the idiots we will damage them..
Other centered rather than self centered was pretty much the way children were raised before we let “enlightened idiots” tell us how wrong we were to raise them that way...
..............
Raising self-centered children is one of the most cruel things a parent does, to both the child and society. It makes it difficult, if not impossible, for them to truly grow up.
I read a story about Barbara Nicklaus, Jack’s wife. They had a child when they were young and first married. She and the baby were traveling with Jack on tour. Barbara was in the gallery following Jack with the while the baby was with a babysitter. She was pining away for her child when one of the older tour wives told her that Jack was there before the children and he’ll be there when they are gone. He comes first.
She said she always followed that advice and I’d say her and Jack have done pretty well family-wise. I think one of the keys to Jack’s success is he had a wife who helped rather than caused him a lot of problems.
Yup..him and a bunch of others...
Wow... you can put that statement in a dictionary to explain what a strawman argument is...
Seriously, 99.9 % of family decisions are not a matter of life or death...
Sirius Lee has hit a home run, made a 3 point shot from outside the ring and no one noticed. This was the right call. ABSOLUTELY...it makes kids insecure to see you made them the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE..... that´s why we have so many screaming brats.
We teach them Latin before Greek.
The best thing you can do for your children is raise them in a home where the marriage is rock-solid and loving.
And that said, there are trade-offs and compromises and optimizing and multi-tasking and differentiating between need and want, all along the way, and sometimes the child’s needs come first.
If you carry it off with enough grace, your children won’t even know mom was putting dad first. And sometimes, there are circumstances and difficulties when all the grace there is - a gravely sick or special needs child - changes the family priorities, and that child’s needs do come first.
(BTW, I do wonder about those vacations for just husband and wife. Nice if you can get them, but if you have too many children, or a child with exacting special needs, it’s not happening.)
My husband and I got a vacation by ourselves (a weekend) when our oldest child was 22 and the youngest was 2.
On the other hand, my mother was able to spend several weeks in the Mediterranean when my father was deployed there because my brother and I could stay at our grandparents’ farm. I think I remember it more fondly than my brother does, but we certainly weren’t deprived of anything.
In my most humble opinion, I find the article “childish”. It is like saying, “She loves me most”. Children need a Mom and Dad. They benefit greatly from a set of parents who are happy. That being said, they also benefit from being a member of a family. The article stated the author and husband vacation together and leave the kids. Why? Are your kids that much of a drag?
Why can’t an article now and again discuss how to have a happy, wonderful marriage and family? Oh.. I know why. It involves a faith, work, sacrifice and communication. It involves a husband and wife staying on the same page and if there is a disagreement... coming together for a solution. I can say the best times of my life weren’t with just my husband or my kids but all of us together.
Strawman? Nope.Yes,that's an extreme example of my point but it nicely explains it.Our daughter is,and *should* be,more important to my wife than am I.And the reverse is also true.That's *not* to suggest that we're not *very* important to each other.
What would *you* do if it was you,your wife and daughter on the Titanic? Or is that too "strawman" for you?
And another thing just occurred to me...explain to me the stories one hears,often in relation to the awarding of the Medal of Honor,of solders,sailors,Airmen and Marines who fall on a grenade,run through gunfire to get to a buddy,etc at the cost of their own lives.Explain the folly of such acts.
And if you have 3 kids?
That's an easy one.Having already made all the arrangements I could in anticipation of my possible premature demise (life insurance,for example) my surviving family (including the child who got the seat in the lifeboat) would know that that's what spouses/parents do in desperate situations.
You are a chick involved with taxes somehow.
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