The other day, while at the mall, I saw four gorgeous ladies about my age...
Wanting to be nice, I said good morning to them. Not one of them even looked at me.
It was...
.
.
(Wait for it)
.
.
A QUADRUPLE BYPASS!!!!
Watching the media spin up the narrative on Hillary Clinton is like someone introducing you to your ex-wife at a party.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
A: With a cowculator.
One Billion Dollars....
This is too true to be funny.
The next time you hear a politician use the
Word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending
YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.
A.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.
D.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E.
A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government
is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let’s take a look at New Orleans ...
It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
was asking Congress for
250 BILLION DOLLARS
To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...
What does it mean?
A.
Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman and child)
You each get $516,528
B.
Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C.
Or... If you are a family of four...
Your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C
HELLO!
Are all your calculators broken??
Building Permit Tax, CDL License Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed), Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA), Fishing License Tax,
Food License Tax, Fuel Permit Tax, Gasoline Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax, IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax
Social Security Tax, Road Usage Tax (Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax, Telephone Fed, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax, Telephone Recurring & Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax, Telephone Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax.
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell ‘politicians’!
But wait, there is MORE!
I got another email. It's from a Kenyan prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life! All I have to do is give him: my bank account numbers, my social security number, my confiential health information, and pay $700 per month for a policy with only a $10,000 deductible. Then he can make it happen!
Am I on a roll or what !!!!
But wait, there is MORE!
I got another email. It's from a Kenyan prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life! All I have to do is give him: my bank account numbers, my social security number, my confiential health information, and pay $700 per month for a policy with only a $10,000 deductible. Then he can make it happen!
Am I on a roll or what !!!!
Last week I was driving down the Interstate and passed a landscape truck with an “Obama/Biden” bumper sticker on the bumper.
I was muttering about what an idiot this guy is to advertise his stupidity.
As I pulled even with him, I look over to see him finishing picking his nose and then he proceeds to eat it....
True story!