"Prophet" Mohammed Jokes

In light of the events today, I think we should start a recurring, and on-going, thread of Mohammed Jokes.

I'll start, but remember "jokes don't kill people. Muslims offended by jokes kill people."

And remember, stereotyping a person because of religion is not fair, be they a Christian, Jew, or a terrorist.

Prophet Mohammed was out on a jihad in foreign lands, got sick, and couldn't get better. He finally called in a Jewish wise man who examined him.

The sage thought for a bit, and then told Mohammed: "Get a bucket. Poop in the bucket. Pee in the bucket. Have all your family do it. Then leave the bucket in a closet for a week. Next, for 7 days, put your head in the bucket and breathe deeply. Then call for me."

Mohammed did as he was told, then called for the sage "By my beard! I am cured! How did you do it?!"

++++++++++++++++ Q. What is the difference between the Prophet Muhammad and Michael Jackson? A. One is a pedophile child rapist and the other recorded six platinum albums.

Q. Why do Arab men wear dirty bed sheets? A. Because a camel can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.

Q. What’s the difference between Mecca and a bowl of yogurt?  A. The yogurt has a living culture.

Q. What is the difference between a roll of toilet paper and the Koran?  A. One is great for wiping your butt and the other comes in 2-ply.

Q. Why doesn’t G-d stop the wars in the Middle East? A. He doesn’t like Muslims either.

Q. How do you get Mohammed's wife pregnant? A. Dress her up as a 10-year old boy.

Q. Did you hear about the Muslim family living in the US who are making every effort they can to integrate themselves into the local community, thereby contributing to worldwide peace and harmony and a greater understanding of their faith?

++++++++++++++++++ If you get on a plane these days you're not allowed to take shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, liquid soap ...

And I'm thinking, "Aren't they the very things a Muslim wouldn't be carrying anyway?"

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

I've set up a demolition company and I don't have to pay my workers. All I do is spray paint 'Mohammad liked it up the ass' on the side of the building.

"Muhammad come quick, there's a wanted poster with your face on in the market square. It says you're wanted for paedophilia."

Muhammad: "From this day forth, to draw Muhammad is blasphemous and shall be punishable by death!"

If there was a war in my country because of my religion I would do the only rational thing-

Move to the other side of the world and demand them to adopt to my religion. +++++++++++++++++

My work colleague, Akmed, heard me ranting about my putz of a neighbour and he gave me the following advice. "Think what my holy prophet Mohammed would do in your situation".

Fighting

Qur’an:9:88	“The Messenger and those who believe with him, strive hard and fight with their wealth and lives in Allah’s Cause.”
Qur’an:9:5	“Fight and kill the disbelievers wherever you find them, take them captive, harass them, lie in wait and ambush them using every stratagem of war.”
Qur’an:9:112	“The Believers fight in Allah’s Cause, they slay and are slain, kill and are killed.”
Qur’an:9:29	“Fight those who do not believe until they all surrender, paying the protective tax in submission.”
Ishaq:325	“Muslims, fight in Allah’s Cause. Stand firm and you will prosper. Help the Prophet, obey him, give him your allegiance, and your religion will be victorious.”
Qur’an:8:39	“Fight them until all opposition ends and all submit to Allah.”
Qur’an:8:39	“So fight them until there is no more Fitnah (disbelief [non-Muslims]) and all submit to the religion of Allah alone (in the whole world).”
Ishaq:324	“He said, ‘Fight them so that there is no more rebellion, and religion, all of it, is for Allah only. Allah must have no rivals.’”
Qur’an:9:14	“Fight them and Allah will punish them by your hands, lay them low, and cover them with shame. He will help you over them.”
Ishaq:300	“I am fighting in Allah’s service. This is piety and a good deed. In Allah’s war I do not fear as others should. For this fighting is righteous, true, and good.”
Ishaq:587	“Our onslaught will not be a weak faltering affair. We shall fight as long as we live. We will fight until you turn to Islam, humbly seeking refuge. We will fight not caring whom we meet. We will fight whether we destroy ancient holdings or newly gotten gains. We have mutilated every opponent. We have driven them violently before us at the command of Allah and Islam. We will fight until our religion is established. And we will plunder them, for they must suffer disgrace.”
Qur’an:8:65	“O Prophet, urge the faithful to fight. If there are twenty among you with determination they will vanquish two hundred; if there are a hundred then they will slaughter a thousand unbelievers, for the infidels are a people devoid of understanding.”
Ishaq:326	“Prophet exhort the believers to fight. If there are twenty good fighters they will defeat two hundred for they are a senseless people. They do not fight with good intentions nor for truth.”
Bukhari:V4B52N63	“A man whose face was covered with an iron mask came to the Prophet and said, ‘Allah’s Apostle! Shall I fight or embrace Islam first?’ The Prophet said, ‘Embrace Islam first and then fight.’ So he embraced Islam, and was martyred. Allah’s Apostle said, ‘A Little work, but a great reward.’”
Bukhari:V4B53N386	“Our Prophet, the Messenger of our Lord, ordered us to fight you till you worship Allah alone or pay us the Jizyah tribute tax in submission. Our Prophet has informed us that our Lord says: ‘Whoever amongst us is killed as a martyr shall go to Paradise to lead such a luxurious life as he has never seen, and whoever survives shall become your master.’”
Muslim:C34B20N4668	“The Messenger said: ‘Anybody who equips a warrior going to fight in the Way of Allah is like one who actually fights. And anybody who looks after his family in his absence is also like one who actually fights.”
Qur’an:9:38	“Believers, what is the matter with you, that when you are asked to go forth and fight in Allah’s Cause you cling to the earth? Do you prefer the life of this world to the Hereafter? Unless you go forth, He will afflict and punish you with a painful doom, and put others in your place.”
Qur’an:9:123	“Fight the unbelievers around you, and let them find harshness in you.”
Qur’an:8:72	“Those who accepted Islam and left their homes to fight in Allah’s Cause with their possessions and persons, and those who gave (them) asylum, aid, and shelter, those who harbored them—these are allies of one another. You are not responsible for protecting those who embraced Islam but did not leave their homes [to fight] until they do so.” [Another translation reads:] “You are only called to protect Muslims who fight.”
Muslim:C9B1N31	“I have been commanded to fight against people till they testify to the fact that there is no god but Allah, and believe in me (that) I am the Messenger and in all that I have brought.”
Bukhari:V9B84N59	“Whoever says this will save his property and life from me.’”
Qur’an:8:73	“The unbelieving infidels are allies. Unless you (Muslims) aid each other (fighting as one united block to make Allah’s religion victorious), there will be confusion and mischief. Those who accepted Islam, left their homes to fight in Allah’s Cause (al-Jihad), as well as those who give them asylum, shelter, and aid—these are (all) Believers: for them is pardon and bountiful provision (in Paradise).”
Tabari IX:69	“Arabs are the most noble people in lineage, the most prominent, and the best in deeds. We were the first to respond to the call of the Prophet. We are Allah’s helpers and the viziers of His Messenger. We fight people until they believe in Allah. He who believes in Allah and His Messenger has protected his life and possessions from us. As for one who disbelieves, we will fight him forever in the Cause of Allah. Killing him is a small matter to us.”
Qur’an:48:16	“Say (Muhammad) to the wandering desert Arabs who lagged behind: ‘You shall be invited to fight against a people given to war with mighty prowess. You shall fight them until they surrender and submit. If you obey, Allah will grant you a reward, but if you turn back, as you did before, He will punish you with a grievous torture.”
Qur’an:48:22	“If the unbelieving infidels fight against you, they will retreat. (Such has been) the practice (approved) of Allah in the past: no change will you find in the ways of Allah.”
Qur’an:47:4	“When you clash with the unbelieving Infidels in battle (fighting Jihad in Allah’s Cause), smite their necks until you overpower them, killing and wounding many of them. At length, when you have thoroughly subdued them, bind them firmly, making (them) captives. Thereafter either generosity or ransom (them based upon what benefits Islam) until the war lays down its burdens. Thus are you commanded by Allah to continue carrying out Jihad against the unbelieving infidels until they submit to Islam.”
Qur’an:47:31	“And We shall try you until We know those among you who are the fighters.”
Tabari VI:138	“Those present at the oath of Aqabah had sworn an allegiance to Muhammad. It was a pledge of war against all men. Allah had permitted fighting.”
Tabari VI:139	“Allah had given his Messenger permission to fight by revealing the verse ‘And fight them until persecution is no more, and religion is all for Allah.’”
Qur’an:9:19	“Do you make the giving of drink to pilgrims, or the maintenance of the Mosque, equal to those who fight in the Cause of Allah? They are not comparable in the sight of Allah. Those who believe, and left their homes, striving with might, fighting in Allah’s Cause with their goods and their lives, have the highest rank in the sight of Allah.”
Ishaq:550	“The Muslims met them with their swords. They cut through many arms and skulls. Only confused cries and groans could be heard over our battle roars and snarling.”
Qur’an:5:94	“Believers, Allah will make a test for you in the form of a little game in which you reach out for your lances. Any who fails this test will have a grievous punishment.”
Ishaq:578	“Crushing the heads of the infidels and splitting their skulls with sharp swords, we continually thrust and cut at the enemy. Blood gushed from their deep wounds as the battle wore them down. We conquered bearing the Prophet’s fluttering war banner. Our cavalry was submerged in rising dust, and our spears quivered, but by us the Prophet gained victory.”
Tabari IX:22	“The Prophet continued to besiege the town, fighting them bitterly.”
Tabari IX:25	“By Allah, I did not come to fight for nothing. I wanted a victory over Ta’if so that I might obtain a slave girl from them and make her pregnant.”
Tabari IX:82	“The Messenger sent Khalid with an army of 400 to Harith [a South Arabian tribe] and ordered him to invite them to Islam for three days before he fought them. If they were to respond and submit, he was to teach them the Book of Allah, the Sunnah of His Prophet, and the requirements of Islam. If they should decline, then he was to fight them.”
Tabari IX:88	“Abdallah Azdi came to the Messenger, embraced Islam, and became a good Muslim. Allah’s Apostle invested Azdi with the authority over those who had surrendered and ordered him to fight the infidels from the tribes of Yemen. Azdi left with an army by the Messenger’s command. The Muslims besieged them for a month. Then they withdrew, setting a trap. When the Yemenites went in pursuit, Azdi was able to inflict a heavy loss on them.”
Ishaq:530	“Get out of his way, you infidel unbelievers. Every good thing goes with the Apostle. Lord, I believe in his word. We will fight you about its interpretations as we have fought you about its revelation with strokes that will remove heads from shoulders and make enemies of friends.”
Muslim:C9B1N29	“Command For Fighting Against People So Long As They Do Not Profess That There Is No Ilah (God) But Allah And Muhammad Is His Messenger: When the Messenger breathed his last and Bakr was appointed Caliph, many Arabs chose to become apostates [rejected Islam]. Abu Bakr said: ‘I will definitely fight against anyone who stops paying the Zakat tax, for it is an obligation. I will fight against them even to secure the cord used for hobbling the feet of a camel which they used to pay if they withhold it now.’ Allah had justified fighting against those who refused to pay Zakat.”
Muslim:C9B1N33	“The Prophet said: ‘I have been commanded to fight against people till they testify there is no god but Allah, that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, and they establish prostration prayer, and pay Zakat. If they do it, their blood and property are protected.’”
Muslim:C10B1N176	“Muhammad (may peace be upon him) sent us in a raiding party. We raided Huraqat in the morning. I caught hold of a man and he said: ‘There is no god but Allah,’ but I attacked him with a spear anyway. It once occurred to me that I should ask the Apostle about this. The Messenger said: ‘Did he profess “There is no god but Allah,” and even then you killed him?’ I said: ‘He made a profession out of the fear of the weapon I was threatening him with.’ The Prophet said: ‘Did you tear out his heart in order to find out whether it had professed truly or not?’”
Muslim:C20B1N4597	“The Prophet said at the conquest of Mecca: ‘There is no migration now, but only Jihad, fighting for the Cause of Islam. When you are asked to set out on a Jihad expedition, you should readily do so.’”
Muslim:C28B20N4628	“Allah has undertaken to provide for one who leaves his home to fight for His Cause and to affirm the truth of His word; Allah will either admit him to Paradise or will bring him back home with his reward and booty.”
Muslim:C28B20N4629	“The Messenger said: ‘One who is wounded in the Way of Allah—and Allah knows best who is wounded in His Way—will appear on the Day of Judgment with his wound still bleeding. The color (of its discharge) will be blood, (but) its smell will be musk.’”
Muslim:C34B20N4652-3	“The Merit Of Jihad And Of Keeping Vigilance Over The Enemy: A man came to the Holy Prophet and said: ‘Who is the best of men?’ He replied: ‘A man who fights staking his life and spending his wealth in Allah’s Cause.’”
Muslim:C42B20N4684	“A desert Arab came to the Prophet and said: ‘Messenger, one man fights for the spoils of war; another fights that he may be remembered, and one fights that he may see his (high) position (achieved as a result of his valor in fighting). Which of these is fighting in the Cause of Allah?’ The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Who fights so that the word of Allah is exalted is fighting in the Way of Allah.’”
Muslim:C53B20N4717	“The Prophet said: ‘This religion will continue to exist, and a group of people from the Muslims will continue to fight for its protection until the Hour is established.’”
Bukhari:V5B59N288	“I witnessed a scene that was dearer to me than anything I had ever seen. Aswad came to the Prophet while Muhammad was urging the Muslims to fight the pagans. He said, ‘We shall fight on your right and on your left and in front of you and behind you.’ I saw the face of the Prophet getting bright with happiness, for that saying delighted him.”
Bukhari:V5B59N290	“The believers who did not join the Ghazwa [Islamic raid or invasion] and those who fought are not equal in reward.”
Qur’an:2:193	“Fight them until there is no more Fitnah (disbelief) and religion is only for Allah. But if they cease/desist, let there be no hostility except against infidel disbelievers.”
Qur’an:2:217	“They question you concerning fighting in the sacred month. Say: ‘Fighting therein is a grave (matter); but to prevent access to Allah, to deny Him, to prevent access to the Sacred Mosque, to expel its members, and polytheism are worse than slaughter. Nor will they cease fighting you until they make you renegades from your religion. If any of you turn back and die in unbelief, your works will be lost and you will go to Hell. Surely those who believe and leave their homes to fight in Allah’s Cause have the hope of Allah’s mercy.”
Qur’an:2:244	“Fight in Allah’s Cause, and know that Allah hears and knows all.”
Qur’an:2:246	“He said: ‘Would you refrain from fighting if fighting were prescribed for you?’ They said: ‘How could we refuse to fight in Allah’s Cause?’”
Ishaq:280	“The Apostle prepared for war in pursuance of Allah’s command to fight his enemies and to fight the infidels who Allah commanded him to fight.”
Qur’an:61:2	“O Muslims, why say one thing and do another? Grievously odious and hateful is it in the sight of Allah that you say that which you do not. Truly Allah loves those who fight in His Cause in a battle array, as if they were a solid cemented structure.”
Bukhari:V4B52N61	“Allah’s Apostle! We were absent from the first battle you fought against the pagans. If Allah gives us a chance to do battle, no doubt, He will see how bravely we fight.”
Ishaq:398	“Ask them for their help. Thereby make the religion of Islam agreeable to them. And when you are resolved in the matter of religion concerning fighting your enemy you will have the advantage.”
Qur’an:3:146	“How many prophets fought in Allah’s Cause? With them (fought) myriads of godly men who were slain. They never lost heart if they met with disaster in Allah’s Cause, nor did they weaken nor give in. Allah loves those who are firm and steadfast [warriors].”
Ishaq:393	“How many prophets has death in battle befallen and how many multitudes with him? They did not show weakness toward their enemies and were not humiliated when they suffered in the fight for Allah and their religion. That is steadfastness. Allah loves the steadfast.”
Qur’an:3:153	“Behold! You ran off precipitately, climbing up the high hill without even casting a side glance at anyone, while the Messenger in your rear is calling you from your rear, urging you to fight. Allah gave you one distress after another by way of requital, to teach you not to grieve for the booty that had escaped you and for (the ill) that had befallen you.”
Qur’an:3:154	“Say: ‘Even if you had remained in your houses, those ordained to be slaughtered would have gone forth to the places where they were to slain.”
Ishaq:440	“Helped by the Holy Spirit we smited Muhammad’s foes. The Apostle sent a message to them with a sharp cutting sword.”
Ishaq:470	“We attacked them fully armed, swords in hand, cutting through heads and skulls.”
Qur’an:61:4	“Surely Allah loves those who fight in His Cause.”
Qur’an:61:11	“Believers, shall I lead you to a bargain or trade that will save you from a painful torment? That you believe in Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), and that you strive and fight in Allah’s Cause with your property and your lives: That will be best for you!” Qur’an 61:12 “He will forgive you your sins, and admit you to Gardens under which rivers flow, and to beautiful mansions in Eden: that is indeed the Supreme Achievement. And another (favor) which you love: help from Allah for a speedy victory over your enemies.”
Qur’an:8:5	“Your Lord ordered you out of your homes to fight for the true cause, even though some Muslims disliked it, and were averse (to fighting).”
Qur’an:24:53	“They swear their strongest oaths saying that if only you would command them. They would leave their homes (and go forth fighting in Allah’s Cause). Say: ‘Swear not; Obedience is (more) reasonable.’”
Qur’an:4:74	“Let those who fight in Allah’s Cause sell this world’s life for the hereafter. To him who fights in Allah’s Cause, whether he is slain or victorious, We shall give him a reward.”
Qur’an:4:75	“What reason have you that you should not fight in Allah’s Cause?” [Another translation says:] “What is wrong with you that you do not fight for Allah?”
Qur’an:4:76	“Those who believe fight in the Cause of Allah.”
Qur’an:4:77	“Have you not seen those to whom it was said: Withhold from fighting, perform the prayer and pay the zakat. But when orders for fighting were issued, a party of them feared men as they ought to have feared Allah. They say: ‘Our Lord, why have You ordained fighting for us, why have You made war compulsory?’”
Qur’an:4:78	“Wherever you are, death will find you, even if you are in towers strong and high! So what is wrong with these people, that they fail to understand these simple words?”
Qur’an:4:84	“Then fight (Muhammad) in Allah’s Cause. Incite the believers to fight with you.”
Qur’an:4:94	“Believers, when you go abroad to fight wars in Allah’s Cause, investigate carefully, and say not to anyone who greets you: ‘You are not a believer!’ Coveting the chance profits of this life (so that you may despoil him). With Allah are plenteous spoils and booty.”
Qur’an:4:95	“Not equal are believers who sit home and receive no hurt and those who fight in Allah’s Cause with their wealth and lives. Allah has granted a grade higher to those who fight with their possessions and bodies to those who sit home. Those who fight He has distinguished with a special reward.”
Qur’an:4:100	“He who leaves his home in Allah’s Cause finds abundant resources and many a refuge. Should he die as a refugee for Allah and His Messenger His reward becomes due and sure with Allah. When you travel through the earth there is no blame on you if you curtail your worship for fear unbelievers may attack you. In truth the disbelievers are your enemy.”
Qur’an:4:102	“When you (Prophet) lead them in prayer, let some stand with you, taking their arms with them. When they finish their prostrations, let them take positions in the rear. And let others who have not yet prayed come—taking all precaution, and bearing arms. The Infidels wish, if you were negligent of your arms, to assault you in a rush. But there is no blame on you if you put away your arms because of the inconvenience of rain or because you are ill; but take precaution. For the Unbelieving Infidels Allah hath prepared a humiliating punishment.”
Qur’an:4:104	“And do not relent in pursuing the enemy.”

Top Ten Movies Playing In Afghanistan and More!

10. “Sleepless In Jalalabad”

9. “Throw Osama From The Train”

8. “Pretty Woman And Her Brutal Death By Stoning”

7. “Singing In The Reign Of Terror”

6. “There’s Something About Christiane Amanpour”

5. “Riding In Cars With Boys Is Forbidden”

4. “Seven Brides For One Brother”

3. “When Harry Met A Veiled Woman He Assumed Was Sally”

2. “Osama, Where Art Thou?”

1. “Glitter”

11. Bridge Over the River’s Gone.

2001: A Base Odyssey

2001: A Taliban Odyssey

20,000 leagues under the mountain

2000BC

A Streetcar Named Repress Your Desire

“A Mullah and a Gentleman”

A Streetcar Named Oblivion

Arsenic and Old Anthrax

“All in the Fatwah”

“All Beheadings Considered”

A Rumor of Retreat

All Dancing is Dirty Dancing!

All About Ibrahim

“Ali’s Quiet on the Khyber Pass”

All’s quiet on the Khyber Pass

Afghanistan Burning

A Hard Day’s Carpet Bombing

Along Came a Spy Plane

Afghanistan Burning

An American in i sharif

A Camel Under the Influence

Apocalypse Now

All dying on the western front

Al Qaeda on the Western Front

“A Farewell to Arm”

Batman re-runs

“Buffy, The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer”

Bridge on the river Khyber

“Bin Laden in the Attic by 72 Virgins and Now I’m Tuckered Out”

Being There, The Sequel: Not Being There Anymore

Body Heat Sensors

Bring Me the Head of OBL

Back to the Torture

Bin Laden on a Hot Tin Roof

“Bloody in the Sand”

Bin hurt

Battlefield Earth

Blown Up in 60 Seconds

Bent and stumpy

“Cave Improvement”

“Cave by Cave” (compare to “Room by Room”)

“Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things”

“Camel-Week”(weekly vehicle review)

“Cave Improvements”

Camel Driver

Close Encounters of the Rumsfeld Kind

Crouching Mullah, Hidden’sama

Casablamo

Citizen Caned

Cat on a Hot Mud Roof

Crouching Mullah, Hidden’sama

Dances not Permitted with Wolves;

Das Burkha

“DEAD MEN WALKING” or
“DEAD MEN RUNNING”

Dude, Where’s My Cave?

Dude, Where’s My Camel?

“Documentary: Gray Davis”, how to tell the difference between power outages caused by incompetence and carpet bombing...

“Dead Mullahs Society”

Die in Lard.

Dead Muslims Society

“Documentary: Beatdown”, best ways to make females grovel.

“Dodge-Bomb”

“Dr. StrangeLove”, or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Taliban’s view on sex

“Driving Miss Daisy Cutter”

Death Space Nine

Dances with goats

Desert Trek -— The Wrath of Khan

Dropping Mrs Daisy Cutter

Erin Burqa Witch

Enslaving Private Ryan

EC (= Emergency Country)

Fatima Foop

F-16’s Flew Over Bin Laden’s Nest

Full Metal Turbin

Force Ten from Crawford

From Russia With Love

“Flying Camelnecks”

Fist full of Burkhas

For a few Rupees more

“Feetwatch”

“Friends”, starring Bill & Hillary, Yasser, Saddam, and cameos by Mommahdar K.

Francis the Talking Mullah

Field of Screams

Gone With the Wind

Guess who’s coming to win here

How Beige was my Valley

“Helen Keller: My ideal Woman, by Osama Bin Laden”

Honey I Shrunk the Kid Goats!

Hairy Plotter

Harry Potter, Stoned for Being a Wizard

Heaven’s Gate

“How the West Won”

Indiana Jones and the Fast crusade

I know what you did last Jihad!

I STILL Know what you did last Jihad!

“I remember Osama”

It’s a Wonderful Death

I dream of TV

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mullah

Indiana Jones and Another Crusade of Infidels

“I STILL Know What You Did Last Ramadan”

Just Bomb Me

Journey to the Center of the Earth

“Last of the Mohamads”

Liar Liar

Long Day’s Journey into Pakistan

Last Year at Jalalabad

Last of the Taliban

Monday Night Footless Ball

Mutiny for the $5,000,000 Bounty

Mullah Abdulla’s Laboratory

My Favorite Wives

Miss Saigon but Hit Kabul

Mourning Becomes Everyone

“Mullah Salami Meets Howard’s End [a CNN original]”

My Blue Burqa

Men in Burqas

Meet Osama Doe!

“My Twenty-three Sons”

“Mashed to Pieces Theater”

“MATMAN”

Monday Night Footless Ball

“Married, With Camels”

“Mad At You”

“Married with Harem”

“Mohammed Gump”

My Best Friend’s Stoning

My Scared Lady

Men in Burqas

More Than One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Cave

Mazar-i-Sharif Poppins

My Scared Lady

Muhhamad Atef - The Right Stiff

No Sound of Music

National Geographic Explorer special “The Caves of Bin Laden, starring Geraldo Rivera”

“No Left Foot”

No Futurama

“No-witness News

“Never on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday”

Ordinary Sheep-pals

One Red Burqa

“Osama’s Cave World, starring Geraldo Rivera” on Public Access TV channel 39.

Oh, Allah!

Oh, Allah! - Book 2

Popeye the Taliban

Pulp Faction

Power Puff Planes

Poke the man

Pure Hell for Osama

Planet of Dirty Terrorists Who Smell Like Apes

Planes, Helicopters, and Cruise Missiles

“Pretty Goat”

Rapidly, Last Ramadan

Raging kabul

Reservoir Goats

“Returning Glass to Sand”

Run Silent, Run Deep (in those caves!)

Rats

Riding in Cars with Bombs

Radiation Burn treatment tips by the Weather Channel

Silence of the Goats

Scent of a Burka

“Sand Grit”

“Send Me No B-52s”

Silence of the Goats

Sands of Khyber Pass

Suddenly Last Summary Execution

Survivor (Plot twist: You WANT to be voted out!)

Saturday Night Hemorrhagic Fever

“Seven B-52’s for Seven Mullahs”

The Postman Always asks for Cipro Twice

The Bombed Out Bridges of Madison County

The Usual Suspects

The Fast and the Furious Retreat

The Fugitive

The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers

The Xed-Files

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

The Phantom Menace

The Smelly, The Bad, and THe Ugly

The Dead Suicidal Patriot

The Preacher’s Wife will be tried for Apostasy

THe Quiet man can be made to scream

the death of a nation

The Goats of Wrath

The Fugitive

The Discreet Charm of the AC-130

The Incredible Shortness of Being

The Guns of Kabul

The Fighting Bin-Ladens

The Seven Camel Jockeys

“THE X-FATWAS”

“The Invisible Men”

“The Liars Clubbed”

“The Texas Boxcutter Massacre”

“The Price is Right If Osama Says It’s Right”

“The Taliban’s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers”

The Perfect Storm Trooper

The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers

The Unbearable Heaviness of Bombing

the silence of the afgans

The king and I are in Exile

That Twelfth Century Show

The Flight-school Graduate

The Grinch Who Stole Ramadan

Tombs of Internment

Take Me To Kabul (Abdul)

Three Days of the Kandahar

Terminator B52: Judgement Day

Terrorist, Interrupted

This is Multiple Spinal Fracture

“To Catch a Terrorist”

Terminator B52: Judgement Day

“The Odd Couple”, starring Bill and Hillary.

“To Kill a Mocking Kurd”

“Taliban Girl: How to Take a Beating”

“Taliban Boy: Pointers from Gary Condit”

Terms of Entombment

Three Men and a Camel

“Touched by A Mullah”, from Black and Blue Productions.

“Thank God It’s Ramadan”

“Tombstones”

“The Bin Laden Bunch”

“Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah”

The Adventures of Burhanuddin Rabbani Across The 8th Dimension

They died with their burkha’s on

“Veilwatch”

Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses”

“Weekend at Osama’s”

Who Wants to Be a Suicide Terrorist?

“Wheel of Fortune and Terror

Whose Cave is it Anyway?

“Welcome Back, Osama”

You are Pressed into the Army Now;

Yellow Submarine Cruise Missile Launch

“You’ve got Anthrax in the Mail”

Kabul TV

8:00 “Captain Kandahar”
9:00 “The Saudi Duty Show”
9:30 “Talibantubbies”
10:00 “Afghan Rugrats”
10:30 “My Mullah the Car Bomber”
11:00 “The Flying Nut”
11:30 “The Flintstonings”
12:00 “Jee-Hawd”
1:00 “The Sunni and Sheik Comedy Hour”
2:00 “Bazooka”
3:00 “The Veiled, Veiled East”
4:00 “Teenage Ninja Muslim Turbans”
4:30 “Anthrax Roadshow”
5:30 “The PJs” (with Peter Jennings)
6:00 “Sixty Virgins”
7:00 “Torched by an Avenging Angel”
8:00 “Everybody Loves Ramadan”
8:30 “The Drew Carriers Show”
9:00 “Enemies”
9:30 “Not Landing”
10:30 “The Merry Traitor Maher Show”

TODAY’S BEST BET:

2:00 “Bazooka” Eastern. The Cartridges have to deal with crack British and American forces that have invaded the Ponderosama. Starring Lerne Meene as Bin Cartridge, Bernhell Roberts as Atom, Damn Blockade as Camm, Michael Laden as Little Jihad, and Victor Die Yung as Hop Plane.

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