Gadzooks, NF-- You flat know... 
your Hillbillies!
One of the episodes my late Father loved had this bit of dialogue:
Jethro: [Jed and Jehtro are discussing a "fast" girl back in the hills] Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jehtro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was!
[Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the story]
Jethro: I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie!
Jed Clampett: [After a beat] Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk.
And:
Widow Fenwick: [Very buxom elderly millionaress who wants Jed to come in with her as a business partner on a real estate development venture she calls Honeymoon Lane] I need a partner who will come into Honeymoon Lane with me. I have the license and I have the heavy equipment.
Jed Clampett: [Somewhat taken back] Well, ma'am, them's the kinda things a man likes to find out fer himself.
And:
Jed Clampett: [Looking at the tree Jethro has cut down] When Mrs. Drysdale gets home she's gonna call the PO-lice!
Jethro: No she won't. I gnawed the stump so it'd look like a BEAVER done it!
And:
Milburn Drysdale: [dictating a letter to Miss Jane] ... and furthermore, if you are late on your mortgage payment one more time you will be thrown out into the street...
Jane Hathaway: Chief, she's eighty-five years old and in a wheelchair!
Milburn Drysdale: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know... change that to read, you will be wheeled out into the street.
And:
Jed Clampett: That's the thing about salted down possum, it's just as good the second day.
And to get back to the main subject of this thread:
Granny: Well, the first thing to do is get her into a dress. She's gettin' too old to be wearin' a man's duds. Lookee here - she done popped the buttons off her shirt again.
Jed Clampett: Well, Elly May carries herself proud... with her shoulders thrown back.
Granny: It ain't her shoulders that's poppin' these buttons.