1 posted on
12/24/2014 12:53:16 PM PST by
Dallas59
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To: Dallas59
So is that to say I should take the vacuum cleaner back?
2 posted on
12/24/2014 1:01:42 PM PST by
Gay State Conservative
(Jimmy Carter;No Longer The Worst President In My Lifetime)
To: Dallas59
Scope. Has anyone here ever received a bottle of Scope? Has anyone here ever sent anyone a bottle of Scope? Just seems like such a cruel thing. Often think of the borderline psychotic. Just needs one more thing to go wrong, y’know. Going down to the mailbox.. “Hmm..what’s this? Scope? Scope! AHH! WAH! AHHHHHHHGH!” Up on the roof with a Magnum- BMMM! Nine dead and they blame Marine training. Uh, bad breath, yeah. “Anyone can have bad breath, Marge, but you can knock a buzzard off a sh—wagon!” Remember that?
-George Carlin
4 posted on
12/24/2014 1:03:58 PM PST by
dfwgator
To: Dallas59
She has weak arms?
ROTFLMAO! !!!
10 posted on
12/24/2014 1:07:53 PM PST by
Vendome
(Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
To: Dallas59
I read on another forum that a lady’s ex-husband went to Walmart, bought her an ice scraper and cheap steering wheel cover, tied off the Walmart bag, and threw it under the tree.
15 posted on
12/24/2014 1:11:41 PM PST by
grimalkin
(We are a nation under God. If we ever forget this, we are a nation gone under. -Ronald Reagan)
To: Dallas59
But . . . but . . . my gift would make it EASIER for her to fix dinner!
To: Dallas59
So back when Tiger Woods was married to Elin she caused an argument that resulted in their divorce.
Yeah, see he was watching a game on TV and she walks in on him asking “What’s on the TV?”
“DUST!” He said
And that’s how the fight started.
Really a thin skinned woman and just too needy.
18 posted on
12/24/2014 1:14:02 PM PST by
Vendome
(Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
To: Dallas59
I didn’t read the article because I assumed it was about Bill Clinton.
20 posted on
12/24/2014 1:14:55 PM PST by
Diamond
(He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people,)
To: Dallas59
The title specifically says, “What not to get your girlfriend”, but, married guys, I would like to add an addendum: think twice before giving anything like this to your wives. Just some friendly advice from someone who has been there.
22 posted on
12/24/2014 1:15:35 PM PST by
Robwin
To: Dallas59; Texas Fossil; Lumper20; tet68; mosaicwolf; Kathy in Alaska; rodguy911; Clintonfatigued
To: Dallas59
26 posted on
12/24/2014 1:17:12 PM PST by
RushIsMyTeddyBear
(The White House is now known as "Casa Blanca".)
To: Dallas59
Washboard & mirror combo set?
28 posted on
12/24/2014 1:17:55 PM PST by
Still Thinking
(Freedom is NOT a loophole!)
To: Dallas59
I need to buy my wife a present and also, I need a new power drill.
I know! I'll buy a pink drill and give it to her for Christmas.
Kill two birds with one stone!
To: Dallas59
Avoid a girlfriend.
Spend Christmas money on yourself. Live much happier.
To: Dallas59; All
This was in the window at a secondhand clothing store down the street from my office. Someone actually bought it a few days ago.
Nothing says "Merry Christmas. I love you, honey" quite as effectively as getting her a Christmas sweater that has the word "HO" in huge lettters on the front of it.
41 posted on
12/24/2014 1:31:32 PM PST by
Rodamala
To: Dallas59
Girlfriends are easy. Just get them chocolate. Lots of it. And for the boyfriends just get them this:
To: Dallas59
I guess the bathroom scale I bought my wife is out. And it was digital with iridescent numbers; top of the line. Too late to return it and get her something else. It does go with the tile.
44 posted on
12/24/2014 1:37:34 PM PST by
ought-six
( Multiculturalism is national suicide, and political correctness is the cyanide capsule.)
To: Dallas59
When you said “rules” I thought....never mind.
47 posted on
12/24/2014 1:56:31 PM PST by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: Dallas59
57 posted on
12/24/2014 2:29:25 PM PST by
Huskrrrr
To: Dallas59
Years ago a friend received a wheel barrow from her husband.
BUT— she was thrilled!!!!!!!!! She loved gardening, and she told me it was one if the best things he could have given to her!
59 posted on
12/24/2014 2:34:47 PM PST by
Exit148
(Explanation)
To: Dallas59
the toilet brush goes back to the Dollar Store, then?
61 posted on
12/24/2014 2:42:12 PM PST by
faithhopecharity
((Brilliant, Profound Tag Line Goes Here, just as soon as I can think of one..))
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