Posted on 12/08/2014 1:43:54 AM PST by kelly4c
I have suffered with a sleep condition called delayed sleep phase disorder for quite awhile now. No matter what I do I cannot get on a normal track. I'm going on FMLA and that will free up some time to get proper treatment for this.
The problem is that my daughter is not supportive. She doesn't like to hear about my "problems." You know, how a close relationship should provide for the acceptance of people's physical limitations? Nope not here. She is a passive-aggressive type person and for no reason tonight when I got to her house all happy to see them she went off on me and then took offense when I stood up to her verbal abuse.
Turns out she was upset that when I said I'd be there "early evening" she took that to mean around 4 but I got there at 6 pm. However instead of calmly voicing that, she brings up crap from 10 years ago AND even made stuff up.
My life has been misery, I don't even have a life anymore because I'm up all night by myself after I get home from work after midnight, and then I finally fall asleep and wake with just enough time to get ready and go to work. So I believe she resents that I don't drop by and keep my grandchild occupied like I used to a few times during the week.
It's like people only care about themselves and want me to be there for them but I'm not allowed to enjoy the benefit of empathy or understanding myself. It's all about how it affects them at times.
Turn the volume down to the point where you have to listen very carefully to understand what they're saying. Then get comfy and listen. Works like a charm most of the time.
Kelly, sometimes it very difficult to accept that the people we love don’t respond to us the way we would like. As a Christian, I have found that the Golden Rule is very helpful here. If empathy is what you would like from her, may I gently suggest you should be searching for ways you can empathize with her. There are obviously problems in your relationship. These kinds of problems seldom if ever go away by insisting on what the other person owes you. Instead, try to model in yourself what you think she should be like. It may or may not begin a process of healing for the relationship, but it will put you in a position where you are not dependent on her for your own much needed healing, and you may find a greater peace of mind for yourself while you wait and work for full reconciliation with her.
And above all, do not forget, nothing is impossible with God. Believe it.
Peace,
SR
Please protect yourself from harmful people. Sounds like both your workplace and your daughter, unfortunately, are shark-like. Wall off your emotions. Tell your daughter not to speak to you with disrespect. Leave where she is/her home if she continues. Sounds like you should also move, if you can.
Peace of mind is important to your health.
God Bless - said a prayer for you and yours.
The type lighting that we use can have a profound impact on our sleep habits and health. Seasonal affective disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
“Light therapy uses a lightbox which emits far more lumens than a customary incandescent lamp. Bright white “full spectrum” light at 10,000 lux, blue light at a wavelength of 480 nm at 2,500 lux or green (actually cyan or blue-green) light at a wavelength of 500 nm at 350 lux are used, with the first-mentioned historically preferred.
“Bright light therapy is effective with the patient sitting a prescribed distance, commonly 30–60 cm, in front of the box with her/his eyes open but not staring at the light source for 30–60 minutes.”
Oddly enough, experiments have shown that the light does not necessarily need to enter through the eyes, but can also be used on the skin where there are numerous capillaries neat the surface, such and in the fold of the elbows and the backs of the knees. “Cool” lights attached to those places can provide good effects because of much longer periods of exposure, during sleep.
So sorry for your problems, Kelly. Listen.. make sure you tell your doctor ALL the stressed you are going through (work, family, home, and sleep). Start a journal (sounds silly but it can give insight) as to what you are eating and drinking. Everything... even a Hershey Kiss. All bodies are different. One person could sleep like a baby after eating a pound of candy but someone else could not sleep after one nibble of a Snickers bar.
As for your daughter... “it is what it is”. Maybe she is unhappy in her life and transferring that unhappiness onto you. Maybe she has just turned into a snotty witch. Either way... she is this way and there’s no way YOU can change it. Reduce contact with her for YOUR sake. Let HER call. Let HER visit. Essentially, put the ball into her court.
As for sleeping... I have issues with that as well. I take Melatonin (it works for some and not others). On bad nights, I take a Benadryl with it several hours after taking the Melatonin. My husband swears by Sleepy Time tea (herbal). Other friends swear by a form of Biofeedback (a mental process where you relax your body and muscles until the relaxation puts you to sleep).
Keep in mind that if you are sleep deprived, you are more susceptible to sadness and being “touchy”. The issues at your work and with your daughter may seem HUGe but that may be because you are just exhausted.
Sorry to be so long, but pray. Pray each night to God. Tell HIM what happened that day, how you feel, what you would like to change. I don’t know how many times that my “Midnight Confession” of just not knowing what the hell to do has comforted me. HE has comforted me. Prayers for you, hon.
Turns out she was upset that when I said I’d be there “early evening”
she took that to mean around 4 but I got there at 6 pm.
********************
Communications is often the source of much misunderstanding. Take the
time and make the effort to be fully thorough in you efforts. It may help in some instances.
Take care and hope all works out for you.
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Kelly, I’ve seen this kind of behavior visited upon friends by tyrannical family members, just like your daughter.
I say this with all respect to you. A person can only be mistreated if they allow it. Your daughter likely won’t change. If her poisonous behavior bothers you, the only thing to do is remove yourself from it and not be around her, regardless of how that might make her squall.
Shut her out until you get better. You’re what’s important right now-—not her complaints. I’ll be praying for you.
The myth of the eight-hour sleep
In the early 1990s, psychiatrist Thomas Wehr conducted an experiment in which a group of people were plunged into darkness for 14 hours every day for a month.
It took some time for their sleep to regulate but by the fourth week the subjects had settled into a very distinct sleeping pattern. They slept first for four hours, then woke for one or two hours before falling into a second four-hour sleep. (snip)
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-16964783
I have had to do the same with my daughter. I took a whatever attitude. My friend has a daughter the same age as mine and I would swear by their actions they are sisters. I am currently coaching my friend in the whatever attitude since her daughter is making her miserable. I think it may just be this spoiled generation.
I refuse to let my daughter make my life miserable.
Yeah, like shoe polish and whiskey. SC is vile.
I laughed heartly at this comment. Context is everything!
I have an app on my iPad that has nature sounds (waterfall, tropical rain forest, beach waves etc). I have used it about a year and love it! It also features a timer that I set for one hour and then turns off automatically. It helps quite a bit for relaxation.
Unless you feel you deserve to be mistreated by your daughter, then temporarily end the relationship until you can resolve your health issues. There’s is always a consequence to one’s actions and it seems your daughter needs to understand that concept. No respect, no relationship.
I have SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder), as did my mother, so the condition may be congenital .
The fact that I am located downwind from the Great Lakes clouds and storms affects the amount of sunlight to which I am exposed and aggrivates the condition.
I participated in a 6 week long Medical University test and found out that I benefitted from 'light therapy' by one hour exposures,5 times per week, to "full spectrum lights".
Commercially made lights are too expensive; I improvised, and made my own light box system for under $20.oo rather than pay $250 - $750 + for commercial lights.
I went to a farm/tractor supply store and got a 'chicken brooder light' and aluminum reflector for under $10.oo, which comes with a clamp (allows position anywhere) .
For a light source ,I used a "full spectrum", or a "Grow Light"(used in horiculture) of 150 Watts which contains the blue/green light full spectrum.
With the clamp, I was able to mount the light alongside the TV while watching,or attach to the side of the bookcase if I was reading a book, or listening to the radio.
Distance from the light source varies from 6-8 feet as even peripheral vision of "full spectrum" light is a benefit.
the further the distance, the longer the exposure , either direct, or peripheral.
The clamp makes it versatile and convienient.
One of the top causes of anxiety disorder is Vestibular Disorders meaning related to your hearing and Inner Ear and how sounds are processed in the brain. When you are wanting to sleep the filtering process for your hearing can be dysfunctional and noises you usually do not hear are louder than ever. You get up to see what the noise is and can't find it :>}
Several things can point to this in your medical history to help you and your doctor find the cause. Any childhood or adult chronic ear infections, sinus allergies, infected tonsils? If yes it likely left damage. Most damage goes unnoticed and the brain deals with it until other stresses are added like job pressures. BTW do you loose your concentration easily and find it more and more difficult to multitask? That too goes with is as does odd to others sleeping habits.
"IF" this is the Diagnosed problem then yes Xanax can help BUT IT HAS RISK. I'm a 20 year 4 times a day patient my wife is a 29 year 3 times a day patient. For it to work correctly it has to be very low {minimal} doses at either .25 or .5mg three to four times a day. It has to be low strength but consistent in the blood stream. You can become dependent on them. You can not drink in access. IOW a small glass of wine is fine no more per day. Other BENZO's like Klonopin may work better for you though. I have to take Xanax due to seizures my attacks trigger.
I'll give you fair warning IF this is your probem antidepressants will make it far worse. They tend to ramp up the sensory neurotransmitters and that is the last thing needed. It will causes the system to crash so to speak. Meaning simply sensory processing overload and the end result isn't a pleasant one. You can enter what I call The Brain Fog of suddenly loosing concept of where you are, how you got there, why you are where you are, how long, etc.
Good morning BTW I woke up at 3:30 PM EST. Before I had to quit I worked evening and night shifts mainly and my body and mind was a peek doing so. My family has long since adapted and a couple family members have milder cases of it themselves. You can try to reset your sleep clock but seriously if it causes you to feel bad I would not fight it but rather I would as I have done adapt to it. I like quieter late evening and night time world especially shopping :>}
Rosary would certainly help, if you think you could go for it.
I know and understand my disorders, the what for, and how come I am taking Xanax. It works for me, & it's done the job 20 years. I have moderate to severe auditory and optical/sensory processing damage. Meaning several issues going on neurologically not just one. It's not a matter of chemistry with me it's a matter of neurological damage. I've had blood work upon blood work and MRI and CAT Scan of the brain. Cognitive Aspects of Vestibular Disorders
NINDS Myoclonus Information Page
What Is A Vestibular Disorder Lot's of info out there that wasn't twenty years ago when I began looking for answers. Levinson's book Phobia Free started me on the right direction.
I was born with this damage, it was worsened by chronic sinus allergies, compounded eventually by stress, and it worsened in my mid thirties to the point of disability. The book Phobia Free by Harold Levinson MD goes into some of it. He is a Neurologist who directly linked Vestibular Disorders to Anxiety Disorders in a good number of his patients. Certain sounds and certain optical events trigger upper torso myclonic sensitivity induced seizures. The Xanax tones down my sensory system to a somewhat functional level the direct opposite of what an antidepressant will do.
With neurological damage it's not wise to use Herbal therapy except under the strict guidance of a doctor. For example Melatonin can be dangerous to some patients. I was advised not to use herbal means due to the nature of what I have. You can have some undesirable interactions.
With this an OTC antihistamine helps some persons also. I'm on Singluar, Claratin, and immunization therapy to control the allergies to limit further damage. IOW I get allergy shots also. This in kids can even easily be mistaken for ADD ADHD.
I have a strong life long {57 year} Vestibular Damage history. Sent to Occupational Therapy at age twelve for balance and coordination, ADD ADHD type symptoms before the big Pharm push hit, I'm single eye functional vision, have severe Tinnitus, and flare ups of Menieres. I'm also at 50% hearing loss. My balance issues require I use a cane. Oddly enough I've had a life long fear of heights. My brain knew my balance was poor. If the brain senses I am in a high place such as a ladder it triggers a primitive self preservation event {anxiety} so I respond appropriately to the brains sensed danger. IOW it's not even true Phobic in nature.
Many persons who suffer from anxiety have undetected Vestibular causes. It can effect nearly all aspects of life from sleep to work to carry on a conversation to reading. Many persons don't think about that. It takes a good medical history work up from cradle to present listing all known issues plus some testing by Audiologist to help detect it.
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