her problem is prolly solvable, you on the other hand are an azz, and there's no fix for that...
Posted on 07/04/2014 9:02:19 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi all,
I never, NEVER, thought I'd post this here. But at this point, I have no one to turn to.
I'm a 51 year-old housewife/reporter and photographer who tries to make money doing proofreading, editing, writing,taking pictures, and oh, yes, selling ads for a phone book belonging to a dear friend of mine who was on Gatineau's city council (that's how I met him; we broke a lot of stories here).
I need to make a profile on FR; it would save a lot of time. :)
Long story short. I grew up in Des Plaines, IL, met my French Canadian husband about 20 + years ago; we moved to Denver and had a son and daughter there. Thank God they were born on American soil! :)
About 15 years ago, my husband got a job offer and we had to move north. I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach; I couldn't breathe. I fell into a depression after moving the kids, by myself, driving all those miles (my husband had already bought a home and begun work with the government up here).
A year after we moved, 9/11 happened...and even though I was far away, I felt even more depressed, probably because I was separated from the country I love and knew was hurting, but I couldn't do anything. Thanks to FR, I sent care packages to the troops...
Anyway. Fast forward to today. I began drinking hard, and now, it seriously imperiled my health. I have to stop, and I do, for periods of time, but then... something happens and I fall back into old habits.
Example. I`ve never had a D.U.I. (I never drink and drive), but I lost my drivers license at the hospital because my brain chemicals were out of whack (too much ammonia?). I'm on lactylose.
Last weekend, a long weekend here because of Canada Day, I had a lot of errands to do with the car, so I needed hubby to drive me around.
Things were okay... until at some point, he kept being so sarcastic, so .... fake ... he kept saying, "where should we go right now? Please, let me help you!" (fake, fake, fake). I started to cry in the car. He'd beaten me down after two days of me asking him to drive me here and there to help my (Gatineau city) councillor friend make money...
I cried and gave up, and bought some booze at the grocery store, while he bought "make your own pizza" fixings...I had said, "we can get all of that at Walmart.." (where they don't sell alcohol). Instead, he chose a grocery where they sell alcohol…the one thing I didn’t want him to do).
Long story short, I feel like I'm pushing up the proverbial rock while my husband is kicking it, hard, back into my face.... all while doing that in front of our kids so that they have no respect for me. btw, when I don`t drink, we have the same fights... just not as emotional on my side. What do I do? How do you deal with trying to fix yourself when everyone seems to be aligned against you? Any advice would be appreciated. And I feel so embarrassed to reach out like this, but I’m at my wit’s end. My husband seems closer to our daughter than he does to me, and it hurts. Julie
‘What the hell is wrong with you? ‘
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:) Thanks, BenLurkin. Did you write your own poetry on your FR page? It’s beautiful. Thanks for having my back and for caring. :)
I’ve seen your screen name around, and you remind me of dead’s tagline (’I’ve got my eye out for Mullah Omar’) LOL! :)
Good Luck
‘Just from experience, you need to part ways. It happens. Good luck to you both.’
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Thank you, Jennyscool. That’s kind of been my thinking. Getting sober, as best I can, so far, has opened my eyes to that.
Not everything bad in our relationship is my fault, but I’m all too ready to agree that it is, because I’m the ‘bad one.’
There is a doctor who postulated that alcoholics are hypoglycemic. In other words, they suffer from low blood sugar. When an alcoholic starts to feel depressed, he takes a drink. The sugar in the alcohol makes him feel better, temporarily, because it raises his blood sugar level.
I will suggest two things:
1) get to AA
2) carry some hard candy in your pocket.
You have to develop a plan. Once you have a plan, you have hope, and you won't need to drink when you have hope.
You can also make abstinence itself part of the plan. If you were sober more often, what would that enable you to do?
A plan would also help you with emotional restraint. The worst thing about regularly exhibiting emotional stress is that people can back away from you just when you need them most. Try to avoid being emotional and try to avoid any arguments with your husband. That doesn't mean you have to yield to his every request and order. His home is your home equally. Do your best to remain calm by reminding yourself of your plan.
Good luck and ignore the jerks that over-simplify things. Over-simplification is a bad habit among conservatives. Simple conservative principles are always an excellent starting point, but sometimes life is complicated and messy. Conservative principles guide but don't dictate.
Thank you so much! ***big time hugs*** :)
Can’t wait to get home! :)
There is a doctor who postulated that alcoholics are hypoglycemic. In other words, they suffer from low blood sugar. When an alcoholic starts to feel depressed, he takes a drink. The sugar in the alcohol makes him feel better, temporarily, because it raises his blood sugar level.
I will suggest two things:
1) get to AA
2) carry some hard candy in your pocket.
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I definitely believe that; when I don’t drink I want chocolate!!! :) There is some sort of connection, though I’m not sure what.
Thank you! :)
Julie
(and I am getting to AA, a.s.a.p.)
her problem is prolly solvable, you on the other hand are an azz, and there's no fix for that...
Dear Proud American in Canada: say a prayer for yourself and read your private mail that I am going to send you now. I am praying for your complete recovery. God bless,
Flying Eagle.
I think what you say may not be popular, but I'm glad you said it because that has been my experience as well. At least half the people I know who joined AA weren't even alcoholics at all - they just blamed their problems on booze. And like you said, they wore this "I'm an alcoholic and can't drink" thing on their sleeve to the point it was annoying just to be around them.
The question is 'proud American in Canada', are you truly addicted or just irresponsible and prone to indulge in what makes you feel good despite the consequences. The last girl I knew who joined AA was no less irresponsible after the fact. In fact, I think she got worse. Quite frankly she is just immature and lazy and AA didn't stop her from losing job after job, getting her car repo'd, etc. The only difference was she was not the least bit fun to be around because her AA thing felt like she was in some kind of cult, and it caused her to blame all her problems on something that simply wasn't what kept screwing up her life.
If you are truly addicted, then something like AA may be helpful. But you first need to be sure that alcohol is really the core problem in your life.
It sounds like you started running and that is a good start. Maybe instead of joining a detox/AA program, just put yourself on a fitness routine. Running, maybe join a gym and set goals for yourself that require sobriety to achieve (like exercise in the morning and at night), etc. In fact, set little goals for yourself every day. Success breeds success. Start small. Even if that is just cleaning some part of the house that's been neglected, then do something the next day, then add more. Pair that with your health regiment and you may find that is sufficient to tackle your problem.
Good luck and God bless.
Sounds like you are going through depression. Maybe your doctor could give you an anti depressant to control it so you don’t want to drink. You could have a chemical imbalance that an anti depressant could fix.
welcome, hugs back at ya, may God bless...
Thank you all so much for taking the time to post to me. I am getting up to bed, feeling really happy from the positive feelings you all sent towards me.
I’ve got my running shoes (new) next to my bed, and if I can exhaust myself through exercise, I won’t need anything else. :)
Thank you all for caring, and I wish you all the best, and will be praying for you, in gratitude.
Julie
'night
That was just rude and uncalled for.
Julie, best of luck to you. I wish I had the answer.
I second all of the suggestions for AA. I am adopted and found out later in life that both of my biological parents suffered from addiction issues. (My father died before I was born driving home drunk from the bowling alley).
I could didn’t have the bad effects like hangovers to curtail my drinking. After the 2009 financial crisis, I started turning to the bottle and almost ruined my marriage as well. I went into an AA meeting and asked for help. In three weeks I will celebrate two years sober. My obsession to drink was lifted from me.
A word of caution, it took me 15-18 months sober before I noticed positive brain changes. Also, the liver is very resilient. I’m 44 and recently had all of my blood work done. My liver functions were normal. Two years ago I was pre-diabetic and had high blood pressure. Today my blood sugar is fine, my BP is normal as well—without medication. Abstaining from alcohol, losing some weight, and replacing a bad habit with good habits (hiking and riding my bike) changed my life.
Check online for some AA meetings and try to attend some women’s meetings so you can build up a support network and hopefully find a sponsor who has been where you are and can help you.
Good luck, Julie.
I’ve had to cut down as I feel myself easily sliding into habitual heavy drinking.
Wish I had some solid advice but it looks like you are getting some help on the thread.
And for heaven’s sake, pay no mind to the wandering jerks with their lousy opinions.
Perhaps they have a 12-step program for being an AA addict? :)
“Hello, my name is Bob, and I have been going to AA.”
We had one of these at work, and the employee’s involvement in it was very disruptive. We had an out-of-town company-wide retreat, and this employee insisted that he/she had to find an AA meeting in the area, even demanded that transportation be provided by the company. Needless to say, he/she did miss several mandatory meet ups. It eventually was a career ender at our company.
Call AA. They are in your local phone book. Or look on the internet.
I will guarantee three things will happen. First they will find a meeting near you. Second, if you tell them you need a ride, they will pick you up and take you to that meeting. Last, they will help you if you want help.
Talk to the people who pick you up and ask for help. They will not push themselves on you if you do not ask for help. If you ask and are serious, they will go to great lengths to help you. If you can not drive, members of AA will get you to meetings. Do not impose on their goodwill by asking for rides to other places or to work.
Do not be afraid. They will never ask you to do anything degrading, or anything that they personally have not done themselves.
I am not criticizing Churches, but I have never seen a Church program which had anywhere near the success rate of AA.
Good luck, and please know that there is help.
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