Oh, lawzy! I have some of those matches in the kitchen drawer!!!!!! They’re so old they probably don’t strike anymore, but don’t tell the feds. Ya know, there’s probably some cough medicine in the medicine cabinet and cheap store brand tea bags in the pantry that could be claimed to be a knock off of Trayvon’s fav beverage. “They” go out of their way these days to make up anything to charge you with. Next they’ll be shooting your dogs for no reason.... oh, never mind.
Got any leftover Sudafed? Look out!