Posted on 01/12/2014 11:15:50 AM PST by SeekAndFind
I scored 80%!
RE: Bad Pick-Up Lines
“Did you just get hit in the head with a baseball? Because I think you’re swell!”
“Do you drive a Prius? Because up until now we’ve been pre-us.”
“Excuse me, do bras come in size perfect? Because I’d buy that for you. Seriously, what’s your cup size?”
“Our long term relationship starts (looks at watch)....now.”
“I feel like a Toyota because I couldn’t stop myself from accelerating over to you.”
“Hello, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.”
“Are you from Tennessee? Because...I’m very interested in that region.”
“Do you have an overdue library book? Cause you got fine written all over you.
“Are you from Tennessee? Because you look like former professional tennis player Steffi Graf, see?” (holds up mirror)
“Are you from Tennessee? Because I’d like to buy you a Hennessy.”
“Are you a musician vampire? Because my organ is filling up with blood.”
“Have you been eating a lot? Because I think you’re beautiFULL.”
“Are you from Alaska? Because Alaskya to french me.”
“Do you remember Mike Seaver’s best friend Boner on Growing Pains? Well, that’s also the name of my best friend. Would you like to meet him?”
“You remind me of Michael Jordan because I feel the need to double team you.”
“The only STD I have is sexually transmitted desire...for you.”
Forgot one: small bank account.
I tired to read 1 thru 3 and 5 thru 10, but 4 kept distracting me.
What women are they talking about? that’s certainly not my top 10 turn-offs. A few of them don’t bother me in the least. Top turn off—some feminist woman believing she speaks for all women and wimpy, prissy men.
11) When the women discovers you don’t own a gold or platinum card
12) When the woman discovers your car isn’t European
LOL!!! I quickly read through this and this is for the women with designer bags...they want designer men I guess. They will never be happy happy happy!
Give me a Christian man that is smart and my list is complete! Got it actually!!
RE: BAD PICKUP LINES
My two favorite letters of the alphabet E Z.
I’m addicted to yes, and I’m allergic to no. So what’s it gonna be?
Hey, why go for the best when you can go for the rest?
Don’t be so picky.... I wasn’t!
Here is $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.
Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy
Oh no, I can’t breath! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
I’m gay but you might just turn me straight.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I please borrow yours?
I’m sorry, I’m an artist and it’s my job to stare at beautiful women!
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Let’s call this the DUH List.
Aw, why not? The Authoress is obviously a misandrist.
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People —
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Holy crap, some of those are hilarious!
I find women associate good spelling with the promise of success.
You would have a hard time finding a needier, more self-centered, more demanding creature than the modern female. It would be much better if they concentrated on their careers 24/7 and left men alone. They will never be satisfied with a male who does not fit their requirements, never realizing that such a man would have a choice of many more desirable women than she.
“Or even worse, the guy who picks you up in a rented BMW, pretending he is the owner.”
But if he OWNS the BMW, he’s good to go, right?
Of course right.
Stopped reading right there.
I like that one. The problem is, the one time I considered it I required $40 worth of booze just to get to where she was worth the $30 investment, and even in a stupor I realized $70 was just too much of an investment.
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