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Well, I dunno. I was sitting here clipping my toenails in honor of Thanksgiving - hey, you have your Thanksgiving traditions, I have mine, and no, I'm not going to Grannie's house with unkempt toenails - and I was wondering if maybe the whole story wasn't a little sad. I mean, a guy who failed to cut his brother's arm off and couldn't even succeed at suicide may be uttering some sort of a cry for help. It's the sort of thing we professional life counselors know to look for.

I mean, it's a little sad just before Thanksgiving. It shows you what unkempt toenails will do to a feller's outlook on life. And so I made myself a little promise - even if my brother-in-law tries to give us a pep talk on Obamacare at the table I'm not going to dump the gravy boat over his head or take the electric knife to his shoulder. Not me. And I think the world would be a better place if everybody would vow not to cut their relatives' limbs off with advanced cutlery without a sincere attempt to settle the issue with less than lethal means. At least not on Thanksgiving. And trim yer dang toenails. Well, that's what I think, anyhow.