Enjoy your new apartment complex. Wish I was kidding.
I would just say remember your kids above else. Tell your wife to remember them as well.
Your kids are depending on you to give them the family they deserve, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but they deserve an intact family.
I’m praying for you.
Sounds like a typical marriage.
Work though the burn.
Other than that , the only winners are the lawyers !!
Hate to tell ya’.....but same here. It’s tough.....but I do it for the kids. They are they main reason.
Oh, and compliment her instead of feeling slighted.
Sure, you have needs but so does she.
Love her.
My only piece of advice I can give is that you cannot change her, just yourself.
Be nice and civil towards her, at all costs. However, put your energies into your hobbies and, as best you can, make your home a welcome place for yourself.
It happens.
We've been married now for 24 1/2 years.
Your mileage may vary, and every relationship is different, but family is important. Do what you can to keep it together.
If it just can't work, then so be it. But try.
Have you told her this?
Enjoy your new apartment complex. Wish I was kidding.
I will definitely pray for you, and I will have a prayer warrior friend of mine pray for your marriage as well.
I would recommend doing research on Marriage counseling, or talk to your Pastor to see if he could council you two. And once armed with the option of pursuing this, if I were you, I would tell her straight out your concerns, your wants, and your needs in a very serious conversation. Tell her that you want her to consider counseling with you, to let her know that you are really serious in making things better. Also tell her that you love her, unconditionally, and be very gentle with her.
Also remember that, outside of Jesus Christ, there is no salvation. You should be zealous on this. If she is spiritual but does not believe in her heart that Jesus is the Christ, then you must warn her. I am a hypocrite on this, as I myself find it difficult to broach the subject with loved ones, especially when they are prone to scoffing at Christianity. Nevertheless, it is important, and should be amongst your priorities.
God bless you, and whatever you decide to do, I’ll definitely pray that all goes well for you.
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Overs...
Why dont we stop fooling ourselves
the game is over, over over...
No good times, no bad times
there’s no times left just the new York times
sitting on my windowsill with the flowers.
We might as well be apart
it hardly matters we sleep separately
drop a smile passing in the hall
but there’s no laughs left cause we laughed them all
Yes we laughed them all in a very short time
passing in the doorway
blowing through my window
rattling the teacups
and I wonder....
How long can I delay
we’re just a habit, like saccharine
and i’m habitually feeling kinna blue
but each time
I try on
the thought of leaving you
I stop...
Stop and Think It Over.
Try to see if you can rekindle something for the kids. Maybe if you point out how much worse your kids would be off after a divorce, she’d commit to working on your marriage.
I know young kids really put stress on a marriage.
The other thing you might consider is to move out the the Bay Area. I don’t think the culture there is very pro-family, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear your wife’s girlfriends are a bunch of awful nags (probably not helping the situation).
This is so sad, I hope things get better!
Above all my good fellow, speak lovingly to her but frankly, before you ask a stranger for advice.
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”
Red Skelton
Wives can really undermine a marriage by complaining and criticizing. I always thought it was just a reflection of some underlying unhappiness, perhaps because hubby isn’t very attentive or caring .. at least not as much as in her dreams.
But it could just be an inherent part of femaleness?
Listen to any valid or even reasonable criticism and change accordingly. Try to keep a marriage going if there’s any reasonable chance it can be made to work out.
But tune out the excess carping. I remember my grandfather walking out on grandma’s screaming session one day. She kept right on screaming for an hour or two longer, not realizing her hubby had walked out the door. He came back after she quieted down. Things worked out ok for a few weeks, anyway, after that.
What more can I say? That’s already more than I really understand. Good luck with it!
I don’t advise divorce. She would almost certainly get the children, at least most of the time (especially if you initiate the divorce), and you don’t want your kids influenced by a series of boyfriends and such.
My husband and I have been married 22 years now and we have certainly had rough patches. I’ve discovered that at least for us, if we just hang on and get through the rough patches, it does get better again.
If your wife is not very religious, perhaps a more secular approach to revitalizing your marriage might resonate with her. What about seeing a counselor? I make this suggestion with a HUGE caveat: I myself have seen several counselors over the last couple of decades, and what I discovered is that most of them aren’t worth the papers their degrees are printed on! BUT. If you can find a GOOD one, they’re worth gold. Out of all the ones I saw, two were excellent. I had to stop seeing the first one because my insurance wouldn’t pay and I couldn’t afford her, but she helped me out a lot in just a couple of months. The second one was SO excellent that he fixed my problem! No more counselors; I’m done now.
If you can find a really good couples counselor who tries to help couples stay together rather than just divorce, that might be helpful. If you don’t have a pastor or good friend or anyone who has an idea for a counselor to see, I suggest “Yelp.” (I really like Yelp these days; the reviews are brutally honest! LOL!) I just g88gled “yelp couples counseling san francisco” and got a whole bunch of recommendations, with in-depth reviews. Maybe one of those would work for you.
I commend you for trying to fix your problem before it gets worse. You’re a great guy to put your family first. Best of luck!!!
“I’m a little overweight - 245 lbs and 6’4”
“working out with me”
“I hate being alone”
“I just feel trapped”
*****************************
Have you already decided you want out and are now looking for approval?
I know you wrote that your wife avoids Church, but try to get her to sit down and listen to this 7 part series on Marriage and Family (at least listen to the first part).
www.SermonAudio.com Marriage Series
I hope and pray that it can help.
Sex, money, booze, its generally some manifestation of one of those three (or more).
Make sure you’re spending enough time with the kids and not dumping all the chores on your wife. If you own your home, make sure you’re taking care of all the minor repairs and upkeep. If you have the money to spare, suggest house cleaning services. 1 or 2 times a week depending upon your income.
Improve yourself in any way and all ways that you can even if just incrementally.
Meanwhile, start a rainy day fund for yourself and watch how she’s spending money. If you have credit card debt, get it taken care of. Even better to just cancel all credit cards out of general principle and keep a good balance in the checking so that you don’t regret canceling them.