Having power of attorney of an elder relative, I can assure you that the problem I see is the physician overscheduling every darn test and procedure possible. (And the ensuing anxiety such testing causes...) Surely there is a large gray area between death panels and spending tens of thousands on grandma with very little benefit for the money spent.
The waste I have seen with this one relative is shocking. And the overmedication. Ugh A 90 year old on tamoxifen for stage 0 (DCIS) cancer? Seriously?
Wow... That's pathetic.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Neither my wife nor I have any remaining parents. It's both a curse and a blessing.
The last was my wife's mother, who lived with us for the last 10 years of her life. All but the last month or two, she was relatively healthy: (ie: able to work, and drive herself to the coffee shop). She had almost NO money So, when she was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer, she had to rely on the local university hospital for care.
I was extremely impressed with the quality of care she received. She sometimes had to wait a little too long... (1-2 hours) but, she also often got to see the SAME DOCTORS my wife saw. My wife, who also battled breast cancer, but with great health insurance. My Mother-in-Law was allowed to participate in a drug test, sponsored by Merck. The drug helped her live 4 years longer than expected, and Merck paid ALL of her medical bills.
I hope you're able to manage your relative without too much more pain.