Posted on 01/06/2013 12:00:02 AM PST by MacMattico
Please say a Prayer for my mother.
I don't think I've ever asked some one to pray for some one else before, but she's in a tough spot. If it is her time to go it will hurt terribly, but as Catholics and the fact that she is the most caring, loving person I have ever met, I know we will meet again in a better place.
I'm also extremely upset with the hospital, and I don't want this to happen to others.
On the day after Christmas, my mother was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with Pneumonia. They also told us her kidneys were not functioning very well, but not end stage or where she needed dialysis or anything like that. Her lungs had a lot of fluid in them. Fast forward four days and they said the fluid was gone as well as any sign of infection. But my mother was still mostly unresponsive and wanted to sleep all of the time. My sisters and I have been able to wake her on occasion and she will talk with us for a few minutes before going back to sleep. When she had the fluid in the lungs, they did not provide hydration as they said she couldn't handle it, antibiotics were intravenously given. So, obviously, at least to me, when they said the fluid was gone and infection cleared up, I expected to see the IV fluids begin, but they didn't. I demanded hydration be started and every excuse was given to me: she didn't need it, she woke up and drank enough,( not true, my sister and/or I were there hour after hour and she wasn't drinking). I asked the doctor if he were trying to kill her -- it was going on 3-4 days with no adequate fluids. I told him my mother was Catholic and would not want to die from dehydration and starvation-- that was her biggest fear. He then said she couldn't handle it. I said I was going to speak with an attorney if she didn't have IV hydration when I came back in an hour. I came back in an hour and she had three bags of fluids and basically sugar water hooked up to her IV. She has been on this ever sense, no problems. And of course her kidney function improved with fluids, obviously. You can't urinate without fluid!
Now we are well over a week and my mother has barely eaten. My family inquired into ways of feeding her, a tube through the nose, feeding tube, intervenously. The doctor absolutely refuses saying her organs can't handle it! I said if your telling us she's going to die anyway due to organ failure, we want some nutrition provided. He refused and said she can go without food much longer, but I reminded him she knows what is said to her, responds, and I had called the nursing home where she had been staying (because she had trouble getting around and making meals and taking her medication on time), and they said she wasn't eating well for approximately two weeks. So we're going on three weeks with little to no food intake! The hospital refuses to feed her ! My mother is weak and has diabetes-- I can't see how trying nutrition after all this time could hurt her any more! I argued with the doctor and he refuses to follow our wishes-- a nurse even tried to change her DNR which only indicated she didn't want CPR! I caught her and threatened her with calling the police as the whole family has seen the dnr and knows what's on it. I guess the doctors argument is because she is on oxygen at night it would make it easier for her to bring up any liquid in her stomach and choke to death and that her organs can't handle it-- yet he keeps saying "maybe next week" like she's going to get better! I really think he just wants her to die as quickly as possible, and it's killing me she is not being fed. He almost went ballistic when another doctor checked her out and she knew it was January, her name and that Obama was President-- she even rolled her eyes at the name Obama! He wanted to tell us she was brain dead or close to it, I honestly think. I don't know what to do. He's says she may choke at night with the intense oxygen mask they give her and her organs can't take food right now, yet the nurses had me trying to feed her from a tray yesterday! She took only one bite and fell asleep. I don't know what to do! The doctor acts like a feeding tube will be torture, I think starvation is. There are no family members that disagree with me. Our family Priest has says she has a right to hydration and nutrition, the doctor says no nutrition "in her condition" which he constantly changes. She is on Medicare (although with the best supplemental money can buy) and I think the death panels have begun.
Another option MIGHT be to contact the local Office Of The Aging on Monday to see if they can give advice.
In Allegany Co., NY, it’s been a wonderful resource for us re my mother on some issues. (OTOH, I do recall being told by one of them that “We aren’t here to help the elderly. We’re here to make jobs in the office.”) Even with that truth, they’ve been great with day-to-day, quality-of-life issues. When it comes to critical medical things, I don’t know. Maybe it’s worth contacting them, and then you can decide whether their advice is approriate and worth consideration. I always believe it’s better to have TMI; at least you can disregard what you don’t want.
Affirmation for such a strong and helpful post. May God give you, your mom, and your family strength, MacMattico.
Tatt
You have identified the problem, she has no health care agent, so you kids griping and yelling about what she wants has little to no legal effect. The medical people may be tying to follow your mother’s wishes as best as they can interpret them. So, do this: Go to your state’s bar association website and download a form or ask the hospital for a living will form and have your mom (if she is as sharp as you maintain) appoint ONE of you to be her health care agent, (get a notary) then you will have legal authority to make demands.
Bump for continued reading, later.
My wife and I discussed this thread for a couple of hours in the middle of the night. Now she knows why I like Free Republic so much.
Of course we prayed for your Mom, your family and the doctor (as another FReeper so gently reminded us).
The information offered by chuckles is good advice. I’ve worked in the medical field for over 25 years, but on the financial end of things. It IS about how much the hospital needs to spend to make your mother well and how much Medicare is going to pay them to do just that. If you can get a new doctor, I would, at least ask if there’s a patient advocate (sometimes called a patient liaison) on staff at the hospital who can help you. A new hospital may not take her for fear of not being paid at all, but you should still look into it.
Your mother IS entitled to food and hydration. I’ve been working for a doctor who treats diabetes for 13 years. Ask if the hospital has an endocrinologist or a least have the dietician on staff see your mother. If they don’t arrange this, ask her endocrinologist to call the hospital with orders concerning her diet and medication. That doctor must have priviledges to practice in that hospital, but those orders must be charted and followed. The main goal with a diabetic is to keep their blood sugars consistent through diet and medication. It’s likely they didn’t know what medications/dose she was taking prior to admission.
My grandmother was on feeding tube during her last months in a nursing home, but when my mother would visit, she would get a tray of food to feed to her. My mom thought it was better to have the taste of something in her mouth, to help increase her appetite. You can ask for the food to be purreed. Mom said purreed pizza was a little gross, but blueberry muffin mixed with some pudding went down pretty well, and offered some texture. Right now she needs calories! Small portions, consistently throughout the day will help keep her blood sugars flat and even. Also lots of water.
I know you’re working hard at this, and you wouldn’t think with all the resources available in this country that it should take standing on a table in the hopital to get appropriate care, but it does. I hope this information helps in some way. Please feel free to FReep mail me if you just want to talk. I am concerned that we protect your mother’s privacy concerning her medical condition.
Let me tell you something... Things aren’t always as they seem. My cousin had the same issue with the leg. They did everything to try to save it. For over a year my cousin was miserable. In and out of hospitals, etc. Seval months ago they amputated and she is like a new woman. Amputation isn’t always the worst thing. aving an infected body part is oft-times much worse.
Does your Mom have a name? I will add her to my Prayers and anything else you need me to do write letters make phone calls or anything else you need just ask
She needs another hospital and new doctors.
I’m praying right now.
If your family has a lawyer, call him now.
Were it me, I’d call the police right now, also."
I strongly echo all of this advice. And Mac, please never hesitate to ask other believers to intercede in prayer on your behalf. The Lord wishes for you and us to do so. Praying now.
Praying now.
Does your Mom have a name? I will add her to my Prayers and anything else you need me to do write letters make phone calls or anything else you need just ask
This is what they did to my grandmother in the hospital. She was begging for food and water. Due to fluid in her lungs (small mount) they wouldn’t give her IV’s or any nutrition. I’m assuming that despite her being mentally sharp as a tack, not unconscious, the medical personal decided (without our input, i gave my input and it wasn’t received well by the hospital. my grandmother had insurance and money to pay), but they decided it was her time to die. don’t give fluids or nutrition to a 94 year-old woman, it will kill her. It did, in 4 days.
Prayers for your mother.
Praying for your mother.
Please take Fatima’s advice, and contact Terri Schiavo Life & Hope Network.
Email address: info@lifeandhope.com
Phone: Call TOLL-FREE 1.855.300.HOPE (4673)
They are experts in this fight, and they are motivated to save lives, just like doctors used to be.
I’m adding my prayers. Please take care of yourself, so you can take of your mother. God bless you all.
Prayers.
All good points and pretty much all consistent from FRiends - get her out of there IMMEDIATELY, get a new doctor, get an attorney, POA, good nurishing food, etc. The first thing I thought of was Terri and then that she was being medicated to sleep and I see that has been covered, too. Until you can get her another doctor, monitor everything they give her very closely. Look at the label. Have the nurse explain why they’re giving it to her. Watch their body language. Have her bed raised so she’s sitting up so any spoons of food you can get her to eat goes down. But get her out of there yesterday.
Immediate prayers up.
All true and what tears at you, wondering if you are doing the right thing, trying to determine what’s best. It’s hard, especially if love ones are fighters to. MacMattico is doing the right thing in asking for advice, trying to find out all of the facts and determining her mother’s wishes if in her right state of mind.
My grandmother fell and broke her hip in her late 80’s. Always a fighter, she took the surgery, recovered, and eventually was able to get around even without the aid of a walker. She’d had a stent, a patch placed on a seriously bleeding bowel, gall bladder surgery, and untold admissions to the hospital for respiratory, blood pressure and heart conditions. At least once we moved her to another hospital due to poor nursing (family member found a tourniquet left on her arm).
We discovered she needed another stint at the age of 93. There is no doubt in my mind, she would have made it through the surgery, but she refused to have it. Not long after, she was readmitted. Asking for pain medication, the doctor gave her something that caused a reaction. She was in a comma for three days with her kidneys on the verge of shutting down. She came around under a forced air mask because her oxygen level was so low. She wanted it removed. Call the police, were the first words out of her mouth when she came around. The mask was removed, the oxygen level dropped, and the morphine started. A few days later, she passed away.
She had lived a wonderful life and was simply ready to go be with God and I do believe he felt the same.
Prayers lifted for you in your loss, for MacMinnit’s mom and for all who are trying to stay strong against the challenges of this world.
Many thanks,
Maria
Prayers up, My FRiend, in Jesus Name.
Affirmation for such a strong and helpful post. May God give you, your mom, and your family strength, MacMattico.
Tatt
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