***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Be careful out there shopping?

In a small southern town, she saw a 'Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.

One small feature bothered her: The three wise men were all wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, she left. At a quickie mart on the edge of town, she asked the gentleman behind the counter about the helmets.

He exploded into a rage, yelling at her, 'You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!'

She assured him that indeed she did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible's baby Jesus story.

He jerked his Bible from behind the counter, ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed his finger at a passage. Sticking it in her face he said: 'See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from 'afar''.


The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol. There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.



1) Only in America could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000 a plate campaign fund raising event.

2) Only in America could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when we have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 18% of the federal workforce is black.

3) Only in America could we have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel who once ran the Ways and Means Committee, BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

4) Only in America will you find people who burn the American flag and call America an "imperialist nation," but who get offended if you say they're not patriotic.

5) Only in America can we have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

6) Only in America could someone drinking a $5 latte and texting to his friends on an iPhone 4 complain that the government allows some people to make too much money.

7) Only in America would people take rappers who brag about shooting people and selling drugs seriously when they complain the police are targeting them unfairly.

8) Only in America would we make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just become American citizens.

9) Only in America could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be thought of as "extremists."

10) Only in America could the most vicious foes of successful conservative women be self-proclaimed feminists and the National Organization for Women.

11) Only in America could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

12) Only in America can we have terrorists fly planes into our buildings and have some people’s first thought be "what did we do to make them hate us?"

13) Only in America would we think teaching kids at college is an appropriate job for communists, terrorists, and other dregs of humanity.

14) Only in America could people demand the government investigate whether the oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when for every penny of profit the oil companies make, the government tacks on roughly 24 cents’ worth of taxes.

15) Only in America could the first people asked to weigh in on the seriousness of a racial incident by the media be professional race hustlers like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Ben Jealous. In other words, it's like calling in a car dealer as a neutral source on whether or not you need to get a new car.

16) Only in America does airport security put its hands on your underwear....while you're wearing it.

17) Only in America could the government force a skating rink to have handicapped parking spots and Braille on the ATM machines.

18) Only in America could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation ever has before in all of recorded history, still spend a trillion dollars more that it has per year, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

19) Only in America could the rich people who pay 86% of all income taxes be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all.

20) Only in America could the people who approve of slaughtering 25 million females babies via abortion accuse OTHER PEOPLE of waging a "war on women."

[ArGee]

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

[stephenjohnbanker]

: )

[MestaMachine]

First woman: “If G-d wanted us to fly, He would have given us wings.”
Second woman: “If G-d wanted us to fly, He wouldn’t have created TSA.”

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[BenLurkin]

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

You are not top ten. You are post #11. Do you realize...That there is very little in this world that is more pathetic than a man shouting "top ten!" when he is actually just #11?

What an Awkward situation you have placed yourself in...

[freedomlover]

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

http://www.moviesoundclips.net/download.php?id=2854&ft=wav

[ArGee]

[MestaMachine]

What’s black and white and red all over?
A zebra with a sunburn.

[BenLurkin]

http://www.johnspeedie.com/healy/Ooo-eee.wav

[ArGee]

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

[BenLurkin]

Mine used to tie a pork chop around my neck ...just so the dog would play with me.

[ArGee]

What's long and brown and all sticky?



A stick.

[a fool in paradise]

...every poster is welcome.

Even this motivational poster?

[MestaMachine]

How can you tell if there’s an elephant in bed with you?
By the E on his pajamas.

How can you tell if there’s an elephant in bed with you?
By the peanuts on his breath.

[ArGee]

All right, this one is right up your alley.

Q. What did the digital clock say to the analog clock?
A. Look, No hands!

[a fool in paradise]

Dear ArGee:

Dobrý den!