My strong encouragment to you is this: Get a Bible; (physical or electronic version). The New American Standard (translation) is an outstanding, accurate translation. I would purchase a RYRIE NASB Study Bible in genuine leather (bonded leather cover will not hold up over time):
http://www.amazon.com/Genuine-Leather-Burgundy-Letter-Indexed/dp/0802484689/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1352292103&sr=8-2&keywords=ryrie+study+bible+nasb
Start reading in the Gospel of John: 4th book of the New Testament, after that read Romans and then Ephesians.
May God richly bless you and I my pray you find your salvation, hope and strength in Christ, because He alone is our only salvation, strength and hope.
I have a Bible. I have several. I can quote them better than most Christians. I know the words, I know the concepts, I lack the Faith.
That ecstasy you feel? It’s as alien to me as blue is to a blind man.
Total perceptual blind spot.
I liken it to the medical phenomena of “blindsight”, where someone has no conscious awareness of seeing anything in their environment, yet they can navigate a cluttered room without bumping into anyone or tripping over anything.
That being said, thank you again for your kind thoughts and words.