Then, after a time that ecstasy state (which is a trance) is replaced with a new phase of seeing errors in one another and moving towards a state of unconditional love (we will love each other despite our imperfections or “I am not without sin, either”) where the basis of the “family ties” phase develop (trust, respect, security, babies, finances, community involvement, aging) which is much deeper and rooted. This maturity is vital for a healthy and independent family, individual and society.
But many modern adults look back at the ecstasy of falling in love and think they are now out of love because the trance phase is over. They find that phase was so exciting and pleasurable, they live life, either resenting it's passage, or seeking to re-experience it through a serious of sexual partners or porn. In doing this they stunt the growth of their ability to create and experience a healthier, deeper and more mature long term relationship and human being.
It is natural in the mating process that the escatsy phase passes and the relationship moves on to deeper, more mature state and meaning through a serious of new phases. Many are not mature enough to arrive at unconditional love for one another and they obsess on their husband or wife's imperfections and respect the passing of the escatsy phase of love. They hurt and wound each other and themselves. They stunt their growth and miss the relationship phase that is moving towards the development of human wisdom, security, love and trust.
What happens is they split up (or move to fantasy - porn - to try and conjure the ecstasy phase of human love with their hands and objects) and move on to the next lover and repeat the process. That is called adultery and abandonment and it's hugely destructive to the most precious aspect of the adult human experience and development - melding as one with another human being and learning and experiencing unconditional love. A relationship is the only place on earth humans can experience unconditional love with another and mature self control where destructive immediate gratification or impulsiveness is overcome for self and offspring. It is the hightest state of love or being.
In a long string of seeking ecstasy, the ability to acheive the trance state through sex is no longer a possibility for that person and sex becomes totally stunted, mechanical or material, unattached to love and spirit and unable to mature naturally.
Resentment, selfish cunning, distrust, heartless manipulation, abuse... That is what comes in for those who don't mature in a marriage relationship as they were designed by nature to occur. Hanging onto the desire for the escatsy phase is growth stunting like living your life wishing and acting as if you were six years old even though you are a 30 year old man or woman.
Not maturing in the natural progression of a human relationship, makes for a dysfunctional individual and when a society is composed of too many of these individuals, it makes for a communist/police state society where a father government must rule over a society of selfish, unwise, stunted and wounded adults. That is why we are where we are in the progression of our Republic's death.
I am certain that humanity is designed to survive, mature and thrive in the husband and wife and extended family relationship. Whether we come to understand it or not, the reality does not change. We can shop for “something better” or more exciting but we will stunt our growth and often destroy ourselves, our lovers, our offspring and society, in the process.
So are you saying that you believe that the “family ties” phase .. (trust, respect, security, babies, finances, community involvement, aging)..” and an active, ongoing sexual attraction are mutually exclusive?
Great comments.