” And it might influence him just by letting him know you know and have reported it to him.”
He won’t or can’t talk to you about her. Get a second opinion.
I agree a second opinion is best.
When a friend of mine had a psychotic break, I basically tricked her into going to the dr telling her that even though she felt fine, the car accident she had been in (low speed no injures) could have caused injuries. She heard me on the phone with her husband explaining that she needed help and the ‘real’ reason I wanted her to go the dr., she said “I heard everything you said and there is absolutely nothing wrong with my mental health!” YET - she agreed to go to the Dr. and I drove her there. I believe she was going to ‘prove’ to me nothng was wrong.
A few days before I picked her up for the appointment, I called the office and asked to speak with the nurse. I explained my observations and said I had asked her to see the dr. with the excuse of the light car accident. This offended the nurse and she said the office doesn’t trick patients and I said no - but I wanted the dr. to know that she was hearing voices and paranoid and that is something patient would not be able to say for herself. We ended the call with her disgust.
I called back immediately and asked to speak to a different nurse. I explained specific examples of her hallucinations etc., that she had been in a car accident and because she heard me speaking to her husband re her mental status
she wouldn’t be likely to report these symptoms. The nurse wanted to help and was unsure what message I was asking her to give. I said “Tell him that between 2pm and 10pm on the day of the car accident, she reported hearing voices trying to kill her, seeing the Coca Cola truck parked on the side of the road meant ‘they were watching her’ and that she was markedly different (obsessive paranoia) from her normal condition.” THe nurse thanked me and said she’d tell the Dr.
On the ride home in the car my ill friend she kept praising the Dr. She finally said as we pulled into her driveway. “At first I wasn’t going to tell him anything (looked at me hard here), but he was so very kind and kept asking me questions. I told him how ‘they’ were hiding tape recorders in the trees outside my home and the light fixtures, how they want to kill me, I told him about the coca cola truck.” I was overjoyed with relief.
Note that the Dr. had a few days prior to this appointment to consult with friends or legal and that ‘we’ never discussed it. All the information flowed from me to them - they weren’t violating HIPPA by hearing me speak - even if they said ‘we can’t do anything’ they did hear it.
He was an excellent Dr. to get past her paranoia and she felt relieved to speak with him. A few days later she received a letter from his office carefully explaining that he believed that she needed medication to restore her quality of life. He believed that she was schizophrenic and that the good news was, there was a highly effective medication available etc...” She, of course, believed that ‘they’ got to him and now he was trying to kill her. Note that he didn’t render his diagnoses while she was in his office. I assume this was on advice he had received and that he may have consulted following the appointment. I felt grateful that he listened and investigated in his appointment with her and did a terrific job. I was crushed that she wouldn’t take medicine for her condition but felt I had done everything I could do to assist her and perhaps offered her some protection should she have legal or medical problems in the near future - which her behavior was indeed likely to provoke.
So I agree that she needs a second opinion and just assumed that the OP was dealing with schizoid behavior where they don’t want to comply with appointments. If she will go, perhaps the OP could attend the appointment with her.
He isn't prohibited from listening though. While I agree a second opinion may be the best, as others have pointed out, the present doctor may not know what's going on.
He wouldn't have to talk to you, but you could tell them what's going on and your concerns.