Posted on 02/04/2012 4:42:50 PM PST by bkopto
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. - A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a "drunken stupor" decided "that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his a***," and did so, "but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back," and fall off the fraternity's deck.
Louis Helmburg III sued The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity Inc., of Huntington, West Virginia, and Travis Hughes, a fraternity member, in Cabell County Court.
Helmburg claims - in a statement it would be difficult to deny - that "firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an 'ultra-hazardous' activity," which exposes both defendants to strict liability.
Helmburg says he suffered pain and medical expenses, and lost playing time on the Marshall University baseball team. He claims the Alpha Tau deck from which he fell lacked a railing, which violated Huntington building codes.
Helmburg says the fiasco came at about 1:30 a.m. on May 1, 2011, at an Alpha Tau house party he attended with his girlfriend.
"Several of the people in attendance at said house party were under the legal drinking age, including defendant Travis Hughes," the complaint states. "Most of the persons in attendance at said house party were also consuming alcohol with the full knowledge and consent of the ATO fraternity."
Several Alpha Tau members were on the deck when Hughes got his bright idea, including one or more fraternity officers, Helmburg says.
The complaint states: "Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck, located on the back of the ATO house. ...
"Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent the deck.
"There was no railing on said deck at the time of the incident. Upon information and belief, the lack of a railing had existed for at least several months, if not years, before the incident. Upon further information and belief, the deck never had a railing when it was installed, or any time thereafter. The subject deck was approximately 3-4 feet high."
Helmburg says Alpha Tau negligently failed to supervise its guests and members, "such as defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus."
As for Hughes, Helmburg says, "Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus."
It is unclear from the 5-page complaint whether Hughes was injured, or how badly, when the bottle rocket exploded in his rectum.
Helmburg seeks damages for negligence and strict liability.
He is represented by Timothy Rosinsky of Huntington.
Yep — we used to shoot CO2 powered BB guns at each other, we used to shoot bottle rockets at each other, we used to shoot fire extinguishers at each other. One time we got a high powered hose and turned it on each other. I’m amazed we are still alive. God protects idiots and drunks, and I’ve been both.
It is a miracle he didn't end up like this...
Like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXa45zXypfs
His and his girlfriend’s parents must be so proud.
I love it when stupidity is painful.
The butt of jokes for years to come.
Yeah, the guy who fell off the 3 ft. deck and sued is a bigger jackwagon than the one trying to shoot a bottle rocket out of his rear end. I hope the judge tells him to get the heck out of his courtroom!
Done that.
Caught one inside the collar of my jacket at the base of my neck.
Was several days before the ear on that side returned to full functionality.
I've been drunk enough to literally pass-out in the gutter.
But I've never been "that drunk".
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Ouch, that must have really smarted. I guess one shouldn’t clench, either, although it might be difficult to keep that in mind at the key time.
How long until someone thinks to sue the fireworks or the beer companies?
I guess the boy had the old 'failure to launch' problem than can happen after too many Old Milwaukee's.
Might have been some sphincter puckering going on too.
““Of course. I was too drunk to walk...””
Unless one is really ripped, it is usually safer to drive home drunk than to walk home. If you walk, you are a sitting duck for the pigs (a little OWS lingo), whereas if you can drive reasonably well, you’ll make it home.
Of course, ideally, marry a non-drinker (i.e., non-American) and you won’t have to make that decision.
****I could be mistaken here but I think you’re supposed to stick the skinny, long wood end into your anus and not the short, stubby, fused cardboard end.***
Maybe he was so drunk, instead he picked up a roman candle, lit it and jammed it in fuse first. ;-D
That may be true, but the explosion would then still be outside his rectum. I was wondering if maybe an orientational error resulted in the charge being less fortunately situated.
A rectum is a licensed subject to joke upon, but you wouldn’t want to have to live without one.
Can’t say I ever was that drunk in college.
A very drunk roommate once uttered the proverbial “hey y’all watch this,” lifted one leg in the air and lit a fart with a butane lighter. Yes, they do ignite, very successfully in his instance; it set his Levis on fire. He ran, well, stumbled down the hall swatting flames on his backside and yelling obscenities, into the bathroom to the communal showers and then drenched himself.
Does this count?
Now I fully understand the phrase “Blow it out of your ass”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.