My turn:
What is your greatest weakness?
Not being bright enough to avoid answer interview questions from HR drones.
Tell me about yourself.
I’m flattered, but I’m married.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
In rather vivid dreams.
Who is your hero?
(Seriously, on this one, I simply don’t answer it — I’m influenced by many who each have been influenced by many. How can you give credit to just one, or even a handful?)
What’s your greatest strength?
Well, if you tie a cord around my ____, I can lift a bowling ball when I get excited.
Tell me about your favorite supervisor.
That would be Steve. He didn’t struggle much and tasted like chicken.
Tell me about a successful team that you were part of.
Well...I was on the 2002 NBA Champion Los Angeles Laker basketball team.
Really?
Sh_t no. I was hoping you weren’t a basketball fan.
Do you have any questions for me?
What’s the company policy on shooting supervisors?
Do you have any questions for me?
Yeah. Who’s got the best tasting ass? You little ass kisser.
Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?
I’m really sorry about that getting on my knees thing. I really need this job and I thought when you said “I’m from HRO” that you really said “I’m a homo”.
You won’t get this job, but I am looking for a Personal Assistant.