You never know what might surface.
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
At 29, you have many, many years to achieve what you want to achieve. I wanted to be an actress at your age but that didn’t pan out. I became a writer at 50 and have had some success at it as well as deep satisfaction. So: you have got to hang in there because your life WILL change for the better.
The 20s can be miserable years for some. Luckily, the 30s, 40s and 50s are sure to follow. And they can be terrific, trust me!
Hi, James. Thank you for sharing with us. I felt that way one time. There is a poem with a line, “It’s darkest before the dawn.” God does His greatest work when no one is watching.
Please don’t think you have made no contribution. Just posting this makes a contribution. It causes all of us to pause and consider our own lives. If you have caused one person to take a more productive path because you have made him/her stop and think, you have contributed.
The ocean is made up of zillions of drops of water, but they all have a job to do. Some drops have bigger tasks, but not bigger responsibility. Think about that.
In fact, study water. It has amazing properties. It might give you a different outlook. And while you are studying water, look to the Bible for a study of water. Acts 2:38 is an interesting place to start.
I know you are not looking for advice. I’m sorry for giving you some when you didn’t want it. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t help it. Please forgive me if doing so offended you. That was certainly not my intent.
I’ll say a prayer for you that the void is soon filled.
With Christian Concern,
Daisy
You never know what might surface.
I think the world makes us feel like if we’re not movers and shakers we don’t have worth. I never thought my life would turn out like it did (I don’t have a family of my own), but there it is. Are we not commanded to live quietly, mind our own business, and work with our hands? Sounds mundane, I know. But in God’s mind, those things have great value. Fire, my friend, fire...and our purification. I believe (and hope) the reason I’ve been denied the things I really want is because I’m being prepared for something (for eternity, yes, but something perhaps more immediate). This world IS a weird place and my existence in it feels weird to me a lot (I am also a Christian). You speak of the shortcomings in your life...trust me, there is something within you that is precious, to God and others.
We need to encourage 19 year olds to marry. Young James is suffering from something ...
And that something seems to be lack of troubles!
Read Ecclesiastes You aren’t the first to feel this way.
Excellent post Tory.
I rescue dogs. I would rescue them all if I could. But I can’t. Does that mean I shouldn’t rescue the one’s I can?
Reasonable expectations are important. I have accepted the fact that I am an average person, no more, no less. I don’t feel the need to be smarter or better looking than everyone else (which is impossible, anyway - there will always be someone smarter and better looking no matter who you are). I found my averageness freeing, and have embraced it. I don’t have to change the whole world, just do my small part.
Also, my dog’s think the world of me, too. If they only knew I was a screwed up human.
One of my favorite prayers: Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.
This is a torture so horrendous that I would not even wish it upon a leftist rodent...however much I despise those things.
The worst part is that if somehow God does exist, it won’t matter anyway. My lack of faith dooms me to hell. By the time I find out that there is any hope...there won’t be any.
What do I want?
Who am I
What is the purpose of life?
Those that can answer those questions seem to enjoy life more. I think it is great you are asking the question, most don't. It is a long hard process. I am going through it myself, but just assure yourself it is OK to go through the process and that there is an answer out there, you just don't know what it is yet.
Sometimes I think I just have to sit there like Moses for 40 years in the wilderness before I am ready. Other times I probe like Paul in different directions until some doors open. Go do something, allow yourself to make some mistakes. You are not alone...................
James is 29. I agree that sometimes when things are going well, we don’t realize how blessed we are.
Read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”
I'm bring this post from another thread
“Amy, I love your video clip this morning - and thought everyone might enjoy this one, too - about a dog named Grizzly who loved to swim with the wild dolphins.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEUaRWBBMLM
do watch and read about Grizzly
When the video starts, right under the picture are the words in blue “’dolphin dog’......watch and learn.....”
Click there, before watching the video, read the introduction, and you will feel like you know Grizzly, as you watch this incredible film. (It is a bit long, but worth every second to the end.)
Please watch and read the story below "the watch and learn"
Right on.
Society/media/Hollywood gives people false expectations of life.
Did mid-life crisis’s exist prior to the last half-century?
I have an IQ that supposedly puts me on par with Nobel prize winners. While I’m successful in many of the things I do, I’m still not “great.” Part of that is my fault, but I turn 40 this year and - believe me - it weighs on me.
My grandfather is lying on his deathbed right now. He’ll probably pass away today. He was a minister and affected the lives of many people. Was he “great?” What is his legacy beyond the people he helped? There will be no building named after him. He didn’t amass great wealth. He has not published any books.
He did have an impact on me, though. That alone is *great* to me. Will I, in turn, cure cancer? Will I give a speech crediting him for my success? Probably not, although the jury is still out on what I do with the rest of my life.
He has helped give me potential. I an intend on passing that potential to my children. And the people *I* help. If you help just one person, who helps another, who saves someone, who later becomes great...
It’s the Butterfly effect. If you are Christian - and trust that God has a plan - you may not see the part you played until you stand in His glory.
In the meantime, keep your dreams alive. At 29, you have plenty of time to realize them.
Funny, I always end up rescueing cats! Right now, there is a giant, orange, homeless tomcat who I feed every day. The poor thing is as wild and feral as they come. Does make me feel like I’m doing something good for the little helpless ones! Do you rescue greyhounds?
Know, you have purpose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymucqmjJs20
You see if he had married at 19 he would already KNOW why this kind of vanity as he posted is silly. AND IT PISSES ME OFF.
Of course, as a fellow human and Freeper, I LOVE HIM, but this crap pisses me off.
Your dogs do know you’re screwed up. They love you anyway! :)
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