L
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
No mocking from me. What is it you do for a living?
It’s called beer.
How long have you felt like this? Since you were a child?
Never mind what anyone left behind will say. Your only concern should be what He thinks of you. Your only concern should be to get yourself into His Book of Life.
Do you read your Bible? If not, start. Once you have, you will not care what anyone else thinks of you after you're gone.
God loves you and has a purpose for you. Your job is to find it; the trying alone may be beneficial.
But then, what do I know; I’m just another sinner.
I go to work every day too, and most likely that’s all that anyone notices. There is a wonderful man who loves me and I have some great friends and a wonderful family. I get lost with my horse hobby sometimes to the point that I don’t pay much attention to anything else. And I go to work.
But I’m also as nice as possible to everyone I encounter. Try to always remember to say please and thank you and try to do some random nice deed each day for someone.
That’s enough for me.
“man up you wuss”.
Pre-empted!
Seriously, are you seeking treatment for depression? I presume from what you’ve told me here that you are in your mid twenties.
Your symptoms sound very similar with what I was going through at the time. When I finally got treatment, I felt like myself again, but it took a long time for me to figure out what was wrong.
No mocking here.... but the book of Ecclesiastes comes to mind. The preacher in the book had the same issues that you have, but came to some very valuable conclusions. It will help you. Read it :)
James,
You need to speak with your clergymman NOW. If you don’t have one, get one. Probably he will recommend that you seek psychiatric counseling, and you should go for anti-depressants to treat this acute situation. Then you should take them.
We all are here for a purpose, and we may never know what it is. Perhaps it is to make one statement to one person one time, that will change that person’s life. We never know. G-d doesn’t make mistakes, and if you are here you belong here. You need to accept that you may never know your role, and in the meantime your job is to push forward and not do anything that distances you from G-d.
Good luck.
Mind if we ask your approximate age?
Think you found it, Bro -- spend more time with God. The void you're feeling is probably "faith-shaped' to a certain degree.
I've been there. Spend more time not only talking with God, but listen to Him through scripture. It does a body good!
:D
Hodd
Not Mocking
There is a God sized hole in everymans heart and only he can fill it.
I had the same issues for a while and sometimes I still do. I figure its cause I’m in my 40’s.
sounds like you are getting depressed. Maybe you should speak with your doctor.
L
I have a solution. I suggest that you go to a shrink. One who does hypnotism. Have him hypnotize you. Have him completely relax you. Make all your cares and concerns disappear. Have him go really deep. Have him put you in a state of complete relaxation. Then don’t let him snap his fingers and “wake” you up. That should fix you.
Let us know how it goes.
Oh, one last thing. After this happens keep away from a guy who is looking for “his stapler”.
You may not go down in the annuls of history but you will have made a difference.
I had to cut down, people complained I was too happy.
Sounds like you’re spiritually bankrupt. Why don’t you try reading the bible between now and Easter. If something in your reading catches your attention or doesn’t make sense, do some casual internet research on it.
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