Posted on 09/19/2010 5:47:12 PM PDT by Redcitizen
In what he calls an "educational video" that's widely circulated on YouTube, comedian Chris Rock offers advice on what to do when you get pulled over for a traffic violation.
"Obey the law" he says. "Stop immediately" and "stay in your car with your hands on the wheel." Finally, "if your woman is mad at you, leave her at home. There's nothing she'd like to see more than you getting your [you-know-what] kicked."
It's a dead-on spoof of a hard truth: Respect authority. If you don't, you increase the odds of a pricey ticket.
(Excerpt) Read more at finance.yahoo.com ...
I just washed my car and I’m trying to blow dry it.
The Cop: “You got any ID?”, You: “bout what?”. Limited to moderate success.
I was pulled over for running a red light a few months ago. The road was busy and I asked the cop if I could pull into a nearby parking lot for his safety.
After we relocated, he asked if I knew why he pulled me over. I said the light changed from amber to red while I entered the intersection and that I hadn’t stopped when it turned from green to amber because I did not believe I could stop safely.
He let me off with a warning. Throughout the stop, I remained calm, courteous and respectful. Had he ticketed me, I would have thanked him and wished him a good day.
There’s good cops and bad cops. I try to keep my default assumption as the cop I’m dealing with is a good cop.
I was with 7 other people in a buddies car we got pulled over at lunch during high school never say i bet you don’t have 8 pairs of handcuffs well he had plenty of zip ties
Hello Officer...Paul Johnson Is it? How Ironic! I was actually speeding to your house! Your wife told me to get over there quick because you sure can't satisfy her!
hahaha! funny. =) thanks! I’ll try that one.
Some of the female cops I’ve seen on the reservation definitely weren’t the go-daddy girl. ;)
Most of them are good. But the bad ones really put up a public show and once you have harmed by a bad cop, everything changes.
Only really works in southern states. Works better if YOU have a serious drawl.
That wuz funny.
I hope the posting police dont show up, too.
My fav.
Chris Rock - Black People Vs Niggaz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui6-Wc0PDc4&has_verified=1
You can’t ticket me, I’m an illegal alien. Now, whatcha gonna do?
OK, lets take it from the top:
I sped. I was following too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a stop sign. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding.
I also have unpaid parking tickets. Be gentle.
Just a few days ago, I was behind a Florida State Trooper as we both were exiting from I-10. I noticed a car in front of the trooper did not do a complete stop at the stop sign. I thought that was a stupid mistake but the trooper paid no attention. In fact the trooper also did not stop for the stop sign.
I was looking for the really long rant but this will work:
You are a worthless pile of steaming donkey excrement. You lay around in the basement of your parent’s (probably don’t know your daddy) home, posting on sites like DU, KOS and HUFFPO. You brag about all the “buddies” you have on the Internet, but don’t realize that no one knows you are a just a lazy bum. You couldn’t pour liquid human excrement out of a boot with instructions written on the top, bottom and both sides. People like you should be in a straight jacket on the way to a prison.
There are other people with your IQ currently serving in the US Congress. Just look at the (d) side of the isle, and you are probably at the top of the IQ list. The swimmer teddy was probably your true political hero, since he was drunk most of the day. Either he or Robert KKK Byrd was your real hero. Or are you more on the SAN FRAN NAN side? Maybe B Hussein O is your leftwing hero.
Did you have a few too many snorts of cocaine with your Tequila this morning? Why don’t you go to the local office and collect your stinking food stamps and go buy your liquor and cigarettes for the week? Druggies like you should not be allowed anywhere near a computer. That can be dangerous, since you may accidentally access a porn site and that could affect your IQ even worse at your age.
Just leave us alone to our intelligent political discussion. Well, you don’t know what intelligence is, by your totally ignorant initial post. What is with liberals like you? You have to mess up the Internet with your whiny, juvenile ideas. I know first graders who have much more intellect than you exhibited with your little rant. There is nothing that indicates any amount of intelligence.
Does your mommy know you are alone with her computer? You should be banned from ever being allowed anywhere near any electronics again, since you may occidental shock yourself. Well, that could do some good and ensure you never reproduce any offspring. Go back to doing what you Dummies do best – trash anyone you disagree with and praise the idiot democrats who hate America.
Whatever the case, you should never be allowed to vote in any election. It takes some understanding of politics to understand that every candidate and his or her supporters agree with and have the courage to ensure that agenda is good for America.
Besides that, you are a hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome piece of crap. You and all the dims are despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, contemptible, and a criminal enterprise. You have been so bigoted, racist, and sexist; you have made yourself look like an idiotic, brain-damaged imbecile. Your insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, and almost, satanic beliefs have destroyed this country. The entire dumboCRAP party is a bunch of fraudulent, ignorant, clueless, mostly illegitimate individuals who have been harmful and destructive to this nation.
You are dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, and so revisionist, you cannot see a tenth of an inch past the tip of your nose. You are narrow-minded, manipulative, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, and diseased with symptoms that resemble that of a lifelong alcoholic like the swimmer. You try to be suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, stifling, uncaring, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, and abrasive, you seem like a bad dream that never ends. Your poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and clueless behavior is something that defies explanation. The best thing you can do for the country is to take a leap off a very tall cliff, without a parachute.
Yep, you passed the preliminary attitude test.
I had an interesting stop last year...I haven’t been stopped in 25-years and I hit the 45 MPH sign doing 46...so I was technically doing over 35 in the slower zone...seemed pretty trivial, but when the officer asked me if I knew I was doing 45 in the 35 zone, I said, yes I was...I was just speeding up. He gave me a warning, but when he came back to my truck after checking my license and registration, he asked me if I was carrying a loaded firearm in my vehicle. I told him I indeed did have one. He said that my name came up as a concealed carry permit holder and he would consider it a courtesy to tell him I had a loaded gun in the vehicle when he first approached the vehicle.
I told him that of the three states where I am registered every permit class I took was taught by LEO and they all said to say nutt’n about a firearm if stopped. My cop said, “well...I would consider it a courtesy to be informed”.
A bit strange I thought, but I didn’t push it. Wonder if he would have cuffed me if I told him my truck was packing??
Cheers
Not only would I NOT ticket you, if I saw you out at the local watering hole, I would buy you a cold one.
Move to a parking lot for MY safety, man, I’m getting all misty...
I’ll just take my cue from Jim Carrey in Liar Liar:
“Do you know why I stopped you?”
“That depends on how long you’ve been following me.”
Language not too good, but really funny...
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