Thank you. The reason I have concerns about lethal force is because he has said on many occasions that when his life starts to crumble that he will commit murder suicide and a restraining order will not stop him. I’m fearful of a confrontation.
Look, I know you are probably thinking this guy will, at some point, become reasonable. That’s what I thought in the beginning. And I don’t want to give up on any hope he would be reasonable. But just like I didn’t know just how bad this man really is, I suspect readers of this post have the same impression.
Lets put it like this. I am willing to say with 100% certainty that this man will not stop being so evil. Yes evil. There is no other way to describe him. And please know I am not trying to justify my actions. I’m simply tired of watching my wife live in fear of this guy. And any good advise from Freepers is greatly appreciated.
You should be able to apply for a conceal and carry License. Get one.
I also advise you to document date and time of every threat, attempts at intimidation, References to violence, etc.
I've dealt with a man like this in my past...he was tough until he saw his threats were going to be challenged. In my case, once he figured out his death threats didn' work, he stopped them. Didn't;t stop me from making sure I was protected.
Finally, Go get some target practice in. Seriously. If something does happen, you and your wife need to be able to hit the large part of a human body.
I'm thinking nothing of the kind. From the rambling nature of his letter, he is clearly dissembling and is breaking down. Under those circumstances, there is no guarantee what he will or won't do and neither you, a restraining order or the police can/will do anything to stop him from doing something crazy until he does something crazy. Which means that your options are limited.
As others have suggested, I would send the wife and family elsewhere (if you can) until he does his "something crazy" whatever that may be. My more immediate concern is for your safety. You indicated that you could or would kill him. You sound like you don't want to be a murderer, but you also recognize that this guy isn't going to sit around holding hands and singing a few choruses of "Kumbaya" with you or your wife in order to settle his issues, so you need options.
The best option would be for him to spend some time working with a therapist to understand his behaviors and issues. If you sufficiently convey the threat to the police (and/or the DA), he could be involuntarily committed to an institution for up to 72 hours for evaluation. After that, assuming that the facility felt he was a danger to himself or others, he could be held longer. Were I you, I might try to go that route. This guy seems to be emotionally unstable and barely under control. It doesn't appear as though it will take much to push him over the edge.
My suggestion that you lock your guns up was not a facetious one, it was for your protection. Passions sound as though they are running high and one thing leads to another VERY quickly where passion is concerned. Level heads don't come along until AFTER the deed is done and, by then, it could be too late for either you or him to back up and reverse what has happened. That's NOT the position that you want to be in so, your best move is to protect yourself first. Take every possible step to protect yourself and limit your involvement and, by the same token, that should also allow you to be protecting your wife and kids. She doesn't want to take her kids to prison to visit you one weekend per month, (nor do you want to be there!)and she also doesn't want to take her children to visit their dad in the cemetary.