“Press one for Human languages. For Stxchttikzizerith, press Glort. If you reached this recording, you have obviously called the wrong number.”
“You pressed the wrong button, now the Customer Service Quality Control zombies will come from under your chair to assist you with your braaaaaaaains. Please remain seated and calm as our representatives will be with you shortly!”
Sounds like what most customer-service reps would like to say ;-).