Posted on 08/30/2009 12:58:54 PM PDT by urroner
In another thread, I happen to mention a problem that exists between an ex-wife of mine and our youngest son. He has ADHD. Several years ago, he was on meds and he was doing well. He was getting nearly straight A's and had plenty of friends, but his mother didn't like him taking meds so she, on her own, just took him off of them and took him to see a holistic doctor. Well, she has actually taken him to see several and it's not working. The quacks, errr, doctors made huge promises and charged big bucks and the results were devastating to my boy.
He nearly flunked the fifth grade and he has no friends. While on meds, he had friends all over the place and he was very active. Now, those same kids who use to enjoy his company, go out of their way to avoid him.
My son has told me that his life is terrible because he has no friends and I see him is turning to food and video games to help deal with his problems, but his mother is just looking the other way. She knows her way is going to start working even though it's been about two years.
Why I am writing this is because I am sooooooo tired of people condemning me and talking down to me because I want to give my son meds. They say that it's only masking the problem or that I'm just want to dope my little boy up because with him all dopey, he won't be a problem.
They're all burro sphincters. BTW, a "burro" is an "ass" and a "sphincter" is a "hole." They are telling me what to do with my child and they don't have any idea of what the problem really is.
1. Don't seek advice on an internet bulletin board.
2. Instead, speak with a good lawyer. He will interview the child's teachers, pediatrician, the psychiatrist who prescribed the meds, etc. and file the appropriate petition with the court.
3. Do it now.
4. Don't pick a fight with the ex. That's the lawyer's job.
Also for more info, there are a couple of good books. "Driven to Distraction" and "Delivered from Distraction" are written by psychiatrists who seem to know what they are talking about and seem to be very readable even if one is not a physician.
Good luck and God Bless.
I’m not seeking advice here, I’m just sounding off.
I have told my ex that the clock is ticking. If his grades don’t improve by the next grading period, either he starts taking meds or I’ll take her to court for custody of him. He has a brother who is a couple of years older and he is moving in with me at the end of this school year.
I just want people to quit telling me how terrible of a father I am through the safety of the internet, but I realize this ain’t ever going to happen. I have ADHD and hold a high position within the space program and nobody there has the slightest problems with my taking meds every morning.
I know what my son is going through, I have been there.
I have read those books. They have helped understanding what the problem is, though there have bee a lot more studies since they were written that has helped us to understand a lot more of what is happening.
Especially if litigation is on the horizon.
Do what AnAmericanMother said in number 2. It’s been two years, why wait until he bombs another grading period? Do it tomorrow.
I doubt if litigation is going to happen. I believe my ex has seen the writing on the wall. Like I said, our 14y/o son is moving in with me after this school year and our two sons are very close. If the youngest son is very unhappy in his situation and his brother is living with me and his mother refuses to let him come live with me, he will be so full of rage and anger, that she will not be able to deal with him. She can really deal with him now, but our other son helps keep him in line which shouldn’t be his job. I would help more, but I live too far away to be much good.
I get them every other weekend and do what I can do to teach him to respect his mother, but if she doesn’t demand it from him, I’m fighting a losing battle.
People who have ADHD typically are highly impulsive and do not react normally in many social situations. They also, typically, have a problem in communication. Now there are those who do have ADHD and have none of these problems, but genearally, people with ADHD have these problems. Taking the meds help them to not be so impulsive and it helps them slow down and it gives them a chance to think before they open their mouths. I speak from experience.
I believe that far too many time kids, especially boys are diagnosed with ADHD because they're simply being boys, i.e. a handful that teachers and sometimes parents don't want to deal with, so they get medicated when there's really no problem. But there certainly are cases where it's called for.
Since this is a case where the custodial parent seems to be intent on doing something harmful to your child, I hate to say it, but about the only thing you can do is get a lawyer.
Mark
I gave her my word I would wait and she said that if it doesn’t work, she will put him on meds, but she is really against him taking any pharmaceuticals, including pain pills.
I think you sound like a good, loving Dad.
“I have ADHD and hold a high position within the space program and nobody there has the slightest problems with my taking meds every morning.”
Sounds like you are one of the few that actually have ADHD and are helped by meds.
There are alot of kids out there who are on meds who don’t actually have ADHD. Meds are often used for crowd control in public school. For most of those kids the meds are horrible and take away their incentive to do anything in life. I’ve seen it with a number of relatives and friends, it totally changes their personality.
Sounds like your kid should be on meds.
There are some kids for whom meds would be unwise, and some for whom they are necessary (and some, such as my oldest, who fall in both categories at different times in their development).
However, it is just about never better for a child to have divorced and separated parents than an intact family. (I don’t deny that divorce might be the best option when the parents can’t or won’t live together peacefully, but I don’t count that situation as “intact”, regardless of which of them are to blame).
I’ve been studying iodine/iodide deficiency lately and the information I read directly ties ADD and ADHD to iodine deficiency.
Read up on it and get your kid on an iodine supplement.
The best out there is Iodoral.
Thanks, but my ex tried that on him or something very similar and it didn’t work.
There is something about ADD that many people don’t understand. Don’t try and screw over an intelligent person with ADD and think you will get away with it. You will become their “project” and they won’t quit until they prevail. Lots of very successful people, including some of the best trial lawyers have ADD.
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