Glad I could help. So ya like dogs?
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said; I bet I know what it is. Some flowers. That’s right. the boy said. But how did you know? Oh, just a wild guess, she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. The
Teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said I bet I can guess what it is. Is it a box of candy? That’s right. But how did you know? Asked the girl. Oh, just a wild guess, said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. Is it wine? She asked. No, the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. Is it champagne? She asked. No, the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, I give up, what is it?
With great glee, the boy replied, it’s a puppy!
IRS Audit
The IRS sends an auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and
says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When
we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now
and then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d try another
question, in his obnoxious way...
“Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the
crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now
and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is
save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send
them to IRS.”
“To the IRS?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to the IRS ... And about once
a year, they send us a little prick like you.”
LOL!!! I’ve got tears in my eyes! Love your warped humor. I wrote up a little quickie will before going on a day trip Wednesday, wrote the words “being of sound mind” and knew I had just invalidated the whole thing.