LOL!!
I can't thank you enough for your service both as tp and as a service hero.
Posted on 05/22/2009 5:51:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn’t hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep.
I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously.
I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I’m not really in the Military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of “Basic Training” (snicker here) I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boysitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger.
I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back.
I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.
I consent to never being promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So Help Me God ...
____________________ ____________________
Signature Date
*********************************************************************
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn’t score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I’m not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won’t take me because I can’t swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can’t figure out how to use blousing straps.
I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment.
I will take all the credit that the Marines did and brag about the so-called training we do when deep down we know that it is really a joke.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.
After completion of my Sexual ... er ... I mean “Basic Training” I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart.
I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.
I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to “COMPANY.”
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school.
I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can’t pass a placement exam.
So Help Me God ...
____________________ __________________
Signature Date
*********************************************************************
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too “corporate,” because I didn’t want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought “Hey, I like to swim ... why not”
I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like “deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head” when I really mean “floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet.”
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year.
I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound “colleagues.”
So Help Me Neptune ...
_______________________ _______________________
Signature Date
*********************************************************************
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear ... uhhhh ... high-and-tight ... grunt ... cammies ... M16 ... ugh ... Air Force ... and women ... OOORAH ...
So Help Me CORPS ...
_____________________ _________________
Thumb Print and X Date
_____________________ _________________ Witness
Signature Date
Yeah, it made my brain hurt and then I had to go to the dentist.
It may be twisted on my part, but I can’t stop laughing.
LOL!!
I can't thank you enough for your service both as tp and as a service hero.
Blog Things confirms that shampoo and conditioner go together pretty well and without to many bubbles.
Are you suggesting something? ;)
Nothing wrong with bubbles! :D
Oh My God! I cannot stop laughing! And I’m a Retired Sailor! (I also forwarded this to a Marine “Buddy” and an Air Force Mom I work with!) Thanks for the Laughs!
Well, the puppet has better legs...
That was cute! Thanks for posting that.
New alternative to waterboarding currently under consideration.
By John Wayne.
Why Are You Marching, Son? I’d really like to know!
Is it because of Valley Forge, or perhaps the Alamo?
Or, “One if by land—two if by sea,”
A trumpet’s call...the will to be free?
And what of a man who stood straight and tall,
Who wept silent tears when he saw brave men fall?
No matter—no difference—the blue or the gray,
All were his brothers...how often he’d pray.
And what of Antietam—that now peaceful stream
Where the water, blood-red, glittered and gleamed?
Appomattox...Chickamauga..Vicksburg...Bull Run...
Cumberland...Gettysburg...and then Washington.
Why Are You Marching, Son?
In Flanders Fields, how proud were they
Whose forms beneath the poppies lay.
Men who saw Verdun...
And died at the Marne...Soissons...
And those who tried the fearful foe at Chateau-Thierry,
Who fought and bled...whose hearts grew weary,
But in whose minds one thought kept churning—
That the torch of liberty keep burning.
Why Are You Marching, Son?
The planes swarmed in, and the rising sun
Glowed fiercely on the evil done
To men whose blood runs through our veins,
Men who died, and whose remains
Life forever locked in waters deep.
Now, is it right that they should sleep
While the warm sea laps at a twisted hull
And see the torch of liberty grow dull?
Anzio...Cassino...and the Po!
St. Mere Eglise...Le Mans...St. Lo!
Gardelegen...Buchenwald...
On and on the roll is called!
And why?...Why Are You Marching, Son?
Bugles shrilled in the frozen night,
And at first dawn, the awful sight
Of seas of men...row after row,
Left to die on blood-stained snow!
Pusan...Pyongyang...Suwan...Kyongju!
And blood-red ran the swift Yalu!
In South Vietnam the big guns roared,
And once again we fought a war
To honor a pledge our nation gave
To help that little country save
Her people from the certainty
That she’d be ruled by tyranny.
No matter where the big guns roar,
Our fighting men, like those before,
Take the torch we all hold dear
And face freedom’s enemies without fear.
Our fathers died from sea to sea,
And blessed the torch of liberty.
Why?...Why Are You Marching, Son?
__________________
“Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it”.
Pericles.
Other Failures
Surprise, there are 71 more of me waiting for you, hot stuff.
Welcome to paradise!
Captain Fail taking a break from Jihad.
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