     ~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~ |
“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts” -Jeff Foxworthy
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.” -Unknown
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.” -Minnie Pearl
"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman." -Maryon Pearson
“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West
“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.” -H.L. Mencken
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield
“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken
“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.” -Lawrence Housman
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand
“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck
“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
Good morning.
When (my now Ex) said she liked pickups, I thought she meant trucks.
My favorite Rodney Dangerfield one-liner when it comes to marriage:
“Marry a woman that can cook. I mean the sex will wear off but you’ll always be hungry.”
A high school friend once told me that his father imparted this piece of wisdom:
When you fall in love, and you are deciding to marry the woman, imagine what she looks like first thing in the morning, then ask yourself, “Do I want to wake up and look at THAT every morning for the rest of my life?” If the answer is yes, then marry her.
None, they just pass a law against burned out bulbs and
then walk away wondering how come its still dark.
Hot diggity dog!!!!!!! Woooooooooohooooooooo! It’s FRIDAY!!!
Time for silliness! The subject of the week....Marriage! Tada!
A classic:
“Handling A Wife”
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Jeff. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susie.
Since I retired several years ago, it has become necessary for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’ t yell at her.
Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club so
eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do
what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during
her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even
three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find
it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it
was well worthwhile. After all, we are put o n this earth to help each other.
Sincerely, Jeff
EDITOR’S NOTE:
Jeff died suddenly on March 1 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II
golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
His wife Susie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that
Jeff somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
If Babs really said that, then that’s the first thing I’ve ever heard (or read) her say, that I’ve agreed with.
Video: Obama Kid song reminds me of something
Youtube ^ | 10/3/08
Posted on Fri Oct 3 03:37:21 2008 by april15Bendovr
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2096451/posts?page=2
Now for my own contribution: 
Organic, all natural footwarmer.
or, Leave me alone, mama. I'm trying to nap.
... I've got nothing... At least Faelan here's cute.
"D'oh!!!"