I believe right now you are hitting yourself HARD as a bad judge of character. Please GO EASY ON YOURSELF.
Many people who might today be the pit of misery and self-sabotage (often with the help of substances) could have been or were great successes. You caught her at her “best” and after a very short time she was already letting the chinks show through the armor.
I believe it takes about 2.5 years of befriending someone before you know them well enough to know whether they would be a good match for marriage.
But all of us can be fooled. All of us have made mistakes so we are ready to overlook some mistakes by others. You were in the throes of infatuation and no doubt she tried her hardest to cover up her weaknesses so as to appeal to what she surely saw as a “great catch.” She was able to pull it off for a time. Be glad you are a conservative and not a lib or you probably already would have moved in (and fathered twins??)! :)
Please look at women a little differently. Don’t seek out “hot.” “Hot” is so superficial. Believe me, if someone loves you and is stable, self-loving, whole, and smart/funny, she WILL be hot to you. Forever. Because no one stays 25 and bursting with sex appeal. If you want someone for the long journey, you have to find someone special who is already secure and happy. You also have to be pretty secure and happy too.
I do believe there is someone for everyone, though it sure is hard to find that person or choice of persons who would work. There may be no “ideal,” just someone great.
I am glad you dodged that bullet. Do not keep up that relationship out of pity. Pray for her and let her go. She made those choices. Keep wiser persons in your life. Life is damn short.
True. When I met her, she was an office manager for a fairly good-sized company. She was smart, successful, and interested in me. She was religious (if not especially spiritual) and she was a Girl Scout mom and active in volunteering. She seemed AMAZING.
But, to a person, all my friends who met her were very circumspect but telling me I wasn't seeing things accurately.
I began to notice her decisions seemed crazier and crazier. Actually, I'm sure the decisions were the same. It's just that I as beginning to see.
I believe it takes about 2.5 years of befriending someone before you know them well enough to know whether they would be a good match for marriage.
I am patient; I will agree to wait 2.5 days.
But all of us can be fooled. All of us have made mistakes so we are ready to overlook some mistakes by others. You were in the throes of infatuation and no doubt she tried her hardest to cover up her weaknesses so as to appeal to what she surely saw as a “great catch.”
She always called me just that.
She was able to pull it off for a time. Be glad you are a conservative and not a lib or you probably already would have moved in (and fathered twins??)! :)
I almost moved in. I almost married.
Please look at women a little differently. Don’t seek out “hot.” “Hot” is so superficial.
I don't mean hot to YOU, I mean hot to ME. She had a lot of hanging-damaged skin from being about 200 lbs overweight for most of her life. She had lost a lot of that weight, but she wasn't amazingly 'hot'. She was a little prettier than average, but she wasn't 'hot'.
But she was hot to ME.
That's all I need.