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Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.

I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently.

My strong suspicion is that she's been having problems with drugs and difficulty with coping with life for a long time -- it's just that she was able to mask it from you for a while. I don't think she woke up one day from a drug-free life and decided to become a crackhead.

It's unlikely that a complete innocent decides to bear the child of a crackhead chronic felon

I'm also going to guess that you were effusive in your telling her how wonderful she was

So there she is, with a past that she hasn't fully revealed to you, wondering at what point you will find out, having low self-esteem and thinking she had every reason to have low self esteem because of all the things she's done. She realizes that there's no way she's not going to eventually betray you and shatter your illusions.

Finally, she cracks. It was good that she cracked before you married her, rather than after

The problem with going through life is that few of us are who we appear to be. Sometimes the differences between the self and the public persona are small and sometimes they are large

Many years ago, an ex girlfriend of mine hooked up with Mr Wonderful. We were still friends, and she would tell me about the great guy she was about to marry, a highly paid software consultant, handsome, well dressed. Things looked good for her until the cops came to visit. Mr Wonderful was actually making his living as a con man and writer of bad checks. She was devastated. He came over later that day, she confronted him, he freaked out over having his secret life exposed, and he murdered her

Wow. Your response was awesome.

She had active bulimia. That was one of her coping mechanisms. She also had a sex addiction (which, by the way, I loved... lol)....

It's unlikely that a complete innocent decides to bear the child of a crackhead chronic felon

He shared with me, later, in private, that 15 years ago she was a hard-core crackhead. The entire time they were together, they were using.

I'm also going to guess that you were effusive in your telling her how wonderful she was

I was. I felt it. But the reality was, I saw her IMAGE, what I WANTED her to be. Not her.

This is exactly as it was. She would ask me, in wonderment, "What is it that you SEE about me???". She would be in amazement that I loved her. She didn't see what was lovable about her.

Wow. I guess I should be thankful I got out of that thing alive.

Thanks for your entire message. I got a lot out of it.