The "Will and Grace" Vote

Twiztv ^ | 03/12/2008 | Coffee260

[coffee260]

In an episode of the sitcom, Will and Grace, the two end up as political adversaries when they back opposing candidates in a mayoral election.

 

Political naïveté finds Will backing a city-council candidate because he's gay, and Grace behind another because she's a Jewish woman.

 

To settle matters, the roomies host fund-raisers attended simultaneously by both aspirants. 

 

After listening to each respective candidates stump speech, turns out one's cruel and heartless and the other's a racist.

 

Becoming disillusioned, they both decided not to vote at all.

 

But when Jack asks, "So, did you vote?"

 

Will answers, "We don't deserve to." 

 

"We just didn't think it was right to vote for someone without finding out what they stand for." replied Grace. "Who'd you vote for?" she asks. 

 

"The black guy." responds Jack.

 

Simultaneously, the two reply, "What?! There's a black guy?!" They both jumped off the couch and ran out to vote for the black guy.

 

Talk about identity politics. Keep in mind this originally aired in 2001. Below is a partical transcript of the relevant exchanges. They read like parodies of today's election. [Emphasis added]

Will & Grace Transcripts

Will & Grace

4X08 - Star-Spangled Banter

Original Airdate: 11/15/2001

Written by Cynthia Mort


SCENE I: Will's Apartment, the Outside Hallway

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS AND WILL EXITS.]

JACK: Will!

WILL: [STARTLED] Ah! Don't do that! You're like a gay Jack-in-the-box.

JACK: I'm up for the part of "Male Corpse on Slab."

WILL: I don't know what that means, but "wear a condom" seems like an appropriate response.

JACK: Ah! Wait! Hey, hey, hey. I'm auditioning for "Six Feet Under." You know, that new show by the acclaimed screenwriter Alan Ball? Tehh... ball. The corpse is, like, in three scenes, and it's the glue that holds the whole story together.

WILL: Well, for what it's worth, I've seen you act, and I feel totally confident that you have the emotional range to play a dead man.

JACK: Thank you.

[JACK PAUSES BEFORE ENTERING HIS APARTMENT]

JACK: [WHISPERING] Pssst! I'm enjoying your blouse today.

[WILL ENTERS HIS APARTMENT. GRACE IS SITTING ON THE COUCH READING A MAGAZINE.]

GRACE: You know, Sarah Michelle Gellar is really smart. I mean, at the beginning of this interview, she's just talkin' about stuff, like where she gets her highlights, but then she starts in on foreign affairs and campaign finance reform. I'm gonna say it... She's a genius.

WILL: Let me see that. [WILL FLIPS THROUGH THE MAGAZINE] Hmm... Interesting. Yeah. See? these pages are stuck together. You've been reading an interview with John McCain. Here's the rest of Sarah Michelle.

GRACE: [READING] "And even after all these years, limos are way cool." Yeah. I probably should've figured it out when she started talking about her time in a P.O.W. camp.

WILL: Ooh, uh, before I forget, I need you to write me a check. There's this guy, Ted Bowers. He's running for city council. I really think we should support him.

GRACE: Well, what do we know about him?

WILL: He's gay.

GRACE: And?

WILL: And... he's gay.

GRACE: But what's he for? I mean, you know, where does he stand on the issues?

WILL: What do you care? You thought Buffy was in a prisoner of war camp.

GRACE: I'm just wondering, what are his positions?

WILL: I don't know. I think he's a top. Come on. Write a check already. You should support gay men. Gay men support you.

GRACE: How much?

WILL: The limit's 500. Most people are giving, like, 250.

GRACE: Heh! Well, I am not most people.

[GRACE WRITES A CHECK AND GIVES IT TO WILL.]

WILL: [READING THE CHECK] "100."

GRACE: Give me a break. I just gave 500 to the Paul Smith fabulous boot foundation.

[GRACE KICKS UP HER LEG TO SHOW OFF HER SEXY NEW BOOTS.]

WILL: Another important gay cause.

[Keep Reading Transcript Below]

 

 

[coffee260]

SCENE III: Will's Apartment Building

(GRACE is doing down in the elevator when it stops and MRS. FRIEDMAN enters.)

[MRS. FRIEDMAN ENTERS.]

GRACE: Hey, Mrs. Friedman, how are things on the eighth floor?

MRS FRIEDMAN: I'm not talking to you, Grace Adler, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

GRACE: I swear, the elevator smelled like this before I got on.

MRS FRIEDMAN: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your button. I can't believe you're supporting that man.

GRACE: Ted Bowers happens to be an excellent candidate.

MRS FRIEDMAN: [SPITTING] Ptewey! Your candidate sucks my rain boots.

GRACE: Hey, I like Ted Bowers, and he's gay, and I think it's high time we had gay representation on the city council, especially in a society that still undervalues the rights of gay people.

MRS FRIEDMAN: Fine. Do what you want. Me, I'm voting for the Jewish woman.

GRACE: There's a Jewish woman running? 

 

(...)

SCENE V: Will's Apartment

(WILL and GRACE are home.)

GRACE: Uh... So, listen, I need a check.

WILL: What for?

GRACE: Judy Green. She's running for city council, and I think we should support her.

WILL: But we're backing Ted Bowers.

GRACE: Well, I found out a few things about him that makes me think I should support the other candidate.

WILL: Like what?

GRACE: Like he's running against a woman.

WILL: So? Who is she? What do we know about her?

GRACE: She's a woman.

WILL: And?

GRACE: And she's Jewish.

WILL: And?

GRACE: And she's a woman.

WILL: So what? What are her positions?

GRACE: I don't know. She's Jewish. She probably just lays there. Come on. Write the check!

WILL: I am not gonna write you a check. That would just cancel out the check you wrote me.

GRACE: I know. That's why I've already stopped payment on mine. Now, come on. Make it payable to "Judy Green for City Council."

WILL: All right. Is a zillion dollars enough?

GRACE: Come on! Women need a voice on the city council. I mean, 50% of the population is women.

WILL: So, one could argue that 80% of the population is gay. [BEAT] They just don't know it yet. Anyway, this is not about statistics. This is about who has the better candidate.

GRACE: Well, what makes you think that you have the better candidate?

WILL: Grace, he's gay.

GRACE: Well, mine's a woman and Jewish. That makes two victims to your one.

WILL: Since when are you so Jewish anyway? You're about as Jewish as Melanie Griffith in A Stranger Among Us.

GRACE: Well, you're about as gay as Tom Sellick in In and Out.

WILL: I am plenty gay.

GRACE: When was the last time you had same-sex sex?

WILL: I'm choosy!

GRACE: Ha! You're straight! Go watch a basketball game!

WILL: Yeah? Well, you're barely a woman. You pee standing up!

GRACE: Hey! There are a lot of diseases you can get from a toilet seat!

WILL: Our own?! [POINTING TOWARDS THE BATHROOM.]

GRACE: Well, I never thought that I would hear this from you! You hate women!

WILL: Well, you hate gays!

[WILL AND GRACE EXIT TO THE WRONG BEDROOMS, SLAMMING THE DOORS.]

[THE DOORS OPEN SUDDENLY AND THEY SWITCH ROOMS.]

WILL: My room.

GRACE: Whatever.

[THE DOORS SLAM.] 

SCENE VI: Will's Apartment

(WILL is chopping a pepper in the kitchen when GRACE enters with a grocery bag.)

WILL: Hi. I'm sorry. I said some harsh things before. You know, like, "you're not a woman." My God, look at you, you're all woman. You're gorgeous, you're hot, you're sexy. When I look at you, all I can think about is being with that Croatian guy from "ER."

GRACE: Aw, sweetie. You know, I said some pretty harsh things, too. You are plenty gay. If you were any gayer, you'd be Elton John's fanny pack.

WILL: You don't have to say that.

GRACE: No, I mean it.

WILL: Well, if I implied that you're anything less than a big Jew, I'm sorry.

GRACE: Thank you. Let's just agree to disagree, support our candidates and just not make a big thing of it.

WILL: Agreed. I knew you'd feel that way. Which is why I know you'll have no problem with me having a little Ted Bowers neighborhood fund-raiser here?

GRACE: Not at all. In fact, I've already agreed to host a Judy Green fund-raiser here, too.

[GRACE BEGINS PULLING VEGETABLES OUT OF HER GROCERY BAG.]

WILL: Huh!

GRACE: Huh.

WILL and GRACE [SIMULTANEOUSLY]: When's yours?

WILL and GRACE [SIMULTANEOUSLY]: Tonight.

WILL and GRACE [SIMULTANEOUSLY]: Change it.

WILL and GRACE [SIMULTANEOUSLY]: No! stop it!

WILL and GRACE [SIMULTANEOUSLY]: You stop!

[WILL AND GRACE BOTH BEGIN CHOPPING FURIOUSLY.] 

 

(...)

SCENE VIII: Will's Apartment

(WILL and GRACE are hosting their fundraisers. The room is full of people, including MRS. FRIEDMAN and next-door neighbor MR. ZAMIR.)

WILL: Would you tell your people to stay away from the mini-quiches, ok? I made them for my people.

GRACE: God, quiche for a gay fund-raiser, could you be any more stereotypical? And, by the way, tell your people to stay away from my lox.

WILL: Would you look at that? One of your women just drifted over to the fireplace, which we clearly agreed was my area since the gay's need soft light.

[GRACE BRINGS ANOTHER TRAY OF FOOD TO THE TABLE, WHERE MRS. FRIEDMAN IS STANDING.]

MRS FRIEDMAN: Grace, this is a lovely party. I guess the belly lox was too expensive, huh? Still, people seem to be enjoying themselves. I think we'll raise a lot of money here tonight.

GRACE: Well, good. I hope so. You just hit everyone up. It's the least that they can do.

MRS FRIEDMAN: And where's your check?

GRACE: Well, what do you mean? I'm throwing the party. That's my contribution.

MRS FRIEDMAN: Ah ha ha... You know, there's an old Jewish expression-- "You're cheap, and your husband's gay."

[WILL NOTICES THAT MR. ZAMIR IS PUTTING COOKIES INTO HIS POCKET.]

WILL: Mr. Zamir? Mr. Zamir?!

MR ZAMIR: What? What?! Happy Birthday!

WILL: Wait a minute. You're supporting Ted Bowers?

MR ZAMIR: Sure. Ted. Yes.

WILL: Yeah, but just a minute ago, you were over on the Judy Green side.

MR ZAMIR: Yes, but then they ran out of black-and-white cookies.

WILL: Who invited you, anyway?

MR ZAMIR: I'm here to complain about the noise.

[KNOCK ON DOOR. WILL AND GRACE RUN TO THE DOOR AND OPEN IT; IT'S TED BOWERS AND JUDY GREEN.]

WILL: Hey, Ted.

GRACE: Hi, Judy.

JUDY: Well, this is quite the coincidence.

GRACE: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] He wouldn't cancel.

WILL: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] She wouldn't cancel.

GRACE: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] Stop doing that.

WILL: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] Stop doing that.

GRACE: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] You stop!

WILL: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] You stop!

[CUT TO A BIT LATER. TED BOWERS IS SPEAKING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.]

TED: Good evening, everybody. A lot of candidates in this race wanna tell you that there's an easy solution to our city's problems. Well, I'm here to tell you, there's not.

[WILL APPLAUDS. HE'S THE ONLY ONE.]

WILL: [EMBARASSED] Was that not an applause line? 'Cause it felt like one.

TED: For instance... Homelessness. Now, this is an awful, awful problem, and one solution that I advocate is give them a hot meal.

WILL: Mm-hmm.

TED: Give them a shower.

WILL: Uh-huh.

TED: Put them on a bus and get them the hell out of our city.

WILL: A-- What?

[CUT TO A BIT LATER.]

TED: So, in conclusion, women in the home, force those foreigners to speak our language, and if God didn't want some people to be poor, he'd give them money.

MR ZAMIR: He is very good.

GRACE: And now... Let's hear from a real candidate. Ladies and gentlemen, Judy Green.

JUDY: Thank you, Grace. Let me start by saying how gratifying it is to see so many white faces here tonight.

GRACE: Goh! 

 

(...)

SCENE X: Will's Apartment

(The fundraisers are over. WILL and GRACE are relaxing on the sofa.)

GRACE: Remember when Election Day used to be fun? Passing out leaflets, knocking on doors, ripping our bell-bottoms and running from the fuzz?

WILL: That wasn't us. That was Linc and Julie from "The Mod Squad."

JACK: [ENTERING] Well, I've just pulled the lever for democracy. Oh, and I also voted. Ah-ha ha ha ha! What are you two sad lovers doin'?

WILL: Nothin'.

JACK: So, did you vote?

WILL: We don't deserve to.

GRACE: We just didn't think it was right to vote for someone without finding out what they stand for.

Who'd you vote for?

JACK: The black guy.

Both: What?! There's a black guy?!

[WILL AND GRACE BOTH JUMP OFF THE COUCH AND RUN OUT OF THE APARTMENT.] 

 

[Transcript]

[JRios1968]

[mainerforglobalwarming]

Will and Grace is the most overrated show in history. It's not funny at all. It was only a hit because liberals felt guilt-ed into watching it. Kinda like the daily show. It's just not funny yet the left pretends that it's a satirical masterpiece.

[coffee260]

Read this episode and then get back to me.

[Rummyfan]

Watching Will and Grace has been proven to actually lower one's intelligence.

[mainerforglobalwarming]

In my opinion it sucks. It’s just so over the top it’s not funny. Really awful.

[Califreak]

[Nailbiter]

Just not funny for this election cycle, we do not have a Jew running.
that is sarcasm ladies and gents.
I agree with first poster, lame show,
Also I read script, time taken out my life that I will never see again.
b4 you get upset no one forced me to spend time reading it, I take full responsibilty

[TLI]

The first season was great. Will was not queer and Grace was destitute. I laughed to the point of missing part of the show.

Second season? The thought police got to them and it was the trash you see (if you are handcuffed in front of the TV) today.

[mainerforglobalwarming]

This is nothing against gays, I just dislike the show. I thought soap with billy crystal was pretty funny at times.

[coffee260]

That’s all I ask.