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he stalked her three times that I’ve counted - once after she blew him off in July ‘05 and he bought a ‘i love my girlfriend’ tshirt and followed her to the tiki bar and then blogged her own website with fabrications pretending to be ‘fans’...twice at least while she was pregnant, (ans talks of changing locks/alarms)(’moved’ ‘into’ the hospital for ‘two weeks’)(went to MB to ‘see friends’ but ‘didnt’ see Anna’) (and possibly also in the Bahamas in Jan?)

Stalkers are one of the more dangerous psychos. Narcisstic control freaks, they have an overwhelming need to ‘direct others’ behavior’, and ‘possess’.

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/stalking.html

“A law unto themselves
“A fundamental point, that both defines the problem and you must never forget is: Stalkers/Abusers think of themselves as laws unto themselves.

“That is to say that no laws, no social standards, no standards of behavior and no motivation other than “themselves” dictate their actions. As such, what would deter a normal person won’t even phase them. Normal “laws” of conduct are like cobwebs to them, nothing more than minor inconveniences, not something that stops them from getting what they want.. Their wants, their feelings, their emotions, their needs and — most deadly of all — their pride are the only law they follow. In fact, to them, it is the only law that exists and they will go to no ends to enforce that law. If such a person cannot manipulate you, then they will beat you...and then they’ll make you feel guilty for it.

“In their own childish minds, they are gods upon this earth and no mortal (you) has the right to deny or hurt them...

“Selfishness, charm and the monster within
“Recognize that you are dealing with a selfishness that borders on pathology. Everything they do is oriented on themselves, their gain and their control over you. And if they feel that they have ever lost that control over you, then they will go to almost any lengths to get it back. We say almost any lengths, because while they can be stopped short of killing you, you cannot do it alone. What you must realize is that the stalking/abuse is just another form of control over you.

“Control comes in many different forms. Such people know how to turn on the charm to convince people that they are not the monsters they really are. After all, they convinced you. This is one of their major weapons and sources of power. When they want something, they can be the height of charm, caring and sensitivity. They can be romantic, knowledgeable, strong and heroic. Basically it’s a “glamour” they cast. These people, although so charming, thoughtful and caring at first, do not change into monsters. Like vampires they were monsters all along, but were able to beguile and win your trust before they revealed their true nature. They slowly drew you into their web. As long as you accept them as living gods on earth and cater to their every whim, then you will never see this monster revealed.

“These people have years of experience manipulating people and using violence to get their way by picking and choosing their victims. Not only have their successes given them the impression that they can get away with it, but they have learned from their failures. And each time have become more cunning and adept at what they do.

“Handling the problem yourself
“When it comes to stalkers the most important rule you need to remember is:

DON’T Try to handle it yourself

“This is THE most common mistake women make when it comes to stalkers. Bottomline here, if the guy
a) didn’t already know he could take you
b) was afraid of you and what you can do, and
c) wasn’t pretty sure he could get away with it —

HE WOULDN’T BE DOING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

“While it is terrifying to believe so, such a person has been studying you like an insect. He knows your strengths, weaknesses, blind-spots, emotional reactions and what lengths you are willing to go to better than you do. That is because he has been studying you, testing you and training you like a dog to react a certain way. And that is no exaggeration, such people are expert manipulators and usually have a long time dealing with you before the problems became this severe. You are playing against a stacked deck already. No matter how confident, self-assured or competent you think yourself, realize that he knows your strengths and weaknesses before hand and is building his strategy around that knowledge. You have been the victim of a prolonged interview that is now escalating.

“If he even thought you had what it takes to wait in the shadows near his front door with a shotgun he wouldn’t be doing it. Not that we are recommending this course of action, but stalkers do know who not to mess with).

“In fact, women who are generally competent and professional in their lives are MORE likely to be stalked! That is because while they are competent and confident in “civilized” dealings with men, this is a situation where the normal social conventions (which provide a significant leveling influence) simply don’t exist. Being suddenly cast adrift in shark infested waters is frustrating, terrifying and unknown. And that is exactly what he wants you to feel.

“Remember stalkers think of themselves as “laws unto themselves.” In order to maintain this delusion they need to operate in isolation. That is to say they need to find people who are too proud to ask for help and will foolishly attempt to handle the problem by themselves. It is the woman’s pride, confidence in herself and her abilities — and her shame for “finding myself in such a stupid situation” that keeps her from immediately seeking outside help.