For some of us, the new school season is starting and sending our kids back to school is the best time of year.
Posted on 07/27/2007 5:56:08 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.... For some of us, the new school season is starting and sending our kids back to school is the best time of year.
Hey kids!
It's school time again!
You're probably feeling excited to get back to the rigid structure, discipline, and math problems that you missed out on while you were trapped outside in the sun all summer.
If you're going back to the same school you are very lucky! Because everyone will remember you and your reputation as the school ______. Fill in the blank with any 1 of the following:
slut
poor kid
idiot
punching bag
If you're going to a new school, then you may be nervous because the new kids may not know to call you by your nickname: pimple-t!ts.
Now you're going to have to prove yourself all over again. You have to make all new friends. But don't worry! You did it before and you can do it again! And the good thing is, after a summer of practicing, you're still great at giving head!
See you in "Stairway B!"
If you're not the school slut, you still have a chance to make real friends. You can buy your friends, or give them the answers to the test, or be really good at football.
If you don't make any friends that's okay, too. Because Mr. Rosen would love to have you clean his erasers during your lunch period. Teachers are really easy to be friends with because think about it... the reason they teach is because they want revenge on all the kids who were mean to them in school. Now they can be mean to those kids that remind them of their past and get paid for it!
Making friends doesn't matter. Let's be honest. In 15 years you won't ever see these people again. Do you really think you'll end up living next to Smelly Josh or Tattle-tale Tina? No. Unless you're incarcerated you'll probably never see these freaks ever again!
DID YOU KNOW? To eat healthier, you'd be better off skipping that school lunch and instead eating the Styrofoam tray it's served on!
Most teachers kick off the school year by introducing themselves and talking about all of the exciting things you'll be learning this year. For teachers, this is called "slacking off". Expect many slacking off days this year such as the day before any major holiday, the day after the teacher's birthday, and the last 17 days of school.
Some teachers will give you the wonderful opportunity to stand up in front of the entire class to introduce yourself! This would be a great time to practice a visualization technique to quickly soften your boner. This will also be useful when you want to extend your first meeting with the school slut.
When introducing yourself, be sure to rattle off a comprehensive list of all your academic accomplishments. Be brief when describing your summer vacation. If you won a Silver Medal for Gymnastics at the Olympics, don't mention it. Bragging is pathetic when you came in 2nd.
Teachers will often go over the classroom rules. Remember these are just SOME of the rules. For example, here are some other classroom rules that teachers usually don't mention:
No playing with yourself under the desk. (This is a variation of the rule: If you didn't bring 1 for everybody, you can't play with it.)
No stabbing below the belt.
Take turns... with the school slut.
You might already know a lot of people in your classes on the first day. But it's a great day to make a new friend... especially a kid who is new to the school. You never know, he might have access to good pot!
The most important thing about your first day of school is what you are wearing. Everyone will be wearing their coolest new clothes.
On the 1st day, it's also important to smell your best. The rest of the year you can be your normal un-bathed self. So this means:
White boys --> use shampoo to de-grease your hair
Black boys --> trim your wolverine fingernails
Latino boys --> easy on the cologne today
Tips for a fantastic first day of school:
Get enough sleep. A great way to get peaceful sleep is to sit in the back row of your social studies class.
Try your best. Because in the "real world" people who try really hard are always rewarded over those who simply have influential friends or family members.
Develop good work habits. Never wait until the last minute to copy Gary's homework.
If you don't understand something, ask the teacher. That way the entire class will ALSO learn how much of an idiot you are.
"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time,
the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."
~Edgar W. Howe
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
I wonder how many false positives the Cat O’Death has?
I’ll have to check that one out when I get home from work.....
So a young Jewish kid goes off to college, insisting to make his own way.
Proudly, his dad let’s his son “struggle” a little bit, learning a valuable lesson of life. However, after a few months of not hearing from the boy, the dad calls to check up on junior.
“Son?”, asks the dad, “Is there anything you need?”
Struggling a bit with college science lab costs the boy replies, “Well, I could use $5 for a guinea pig.”
The dad replies, “Son! Why don’t you get yourself a nice Jewish girl instead!!!”
______________________________
Caption of a cartoon I saw in the Brandeis student newspaper, “But, Mom! Shiksas are for practice!”
Mrs VS
I have no idea how they do this:
TYPE IN a command and see what happens... sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead etc. and...it’s also very cute if you type in a command that’s not recognized...!!
Make sure you type in “Kiss” too, but do it last.
http://www.idodogtricks.com:80/index_flash.html
Damn Tomkow how do you think of this LOLOLOL!
Hey Tomkow what you call US Navy man who keep taking KGB agent Vodka
Sorry, all, for the snarky school comment.
We're having a bad morning.
That’d be me squished to her shoe since I am fairly short.
Drats!
Okers.
Gotta break 100...at least.... ;)
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