Official Friday Silliness Thread Ping List
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Official Friday Silliness Thread Ping List
~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~
***Roll Call***
Hey Peeps....come and have some "Good" Friday Silliness Fun!!!
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A “Good Friday Silliness Thread”?????
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.
St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff...”
“Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question,
“What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and drink eggnog.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
“What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”
“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the Christian holiday, that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper. Then the Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”
Choosing A Profession
An old southern country preacher from Georgia had a teenage son named David and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine.
I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which object he picks up.
If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be OK, but if picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered, “he’s gonna be an Air Force Cop!!!”
A man is stranded on a desert island.
Eventually, he is rescued. As he is leaving the island in a boat with his rescuers, one of them looks back and asks about the three buildings the man had constructed.
“The first one is my house. And the second one is my church.”
“What’s the third one?”
“Oh, that.”
“That’s the church I used to go to.”
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, “Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.”
“No problem,” the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; immediately I began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn’t you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.”
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day—it was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, “OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and lets him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. “Greetings, friend: before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.”
The man said, “No problem. But you’re not going to believe this; I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn’t die right away. As I’m laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly.”
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finished his story. “I could get used to this new policy”, he thinks to himself. “Very well sir,” the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later, another man comes up to the gate. The Angel says, “Tell me what it was like the day you died.”
The man says, “OK, picture this. I’m naked inside a refrigerator....”
.
Big People Words
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to
become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest
hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO
baby talk!
“You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always
reminding them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big
People’ words!”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a
ride on a choo choo.”
She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must
remember to use “Big People’ words.”
She then asked little Zach what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did
you read?”
Zach thought real hard about it, then puffed out his
chest with great pride, and said,
“Winnie the SHIT
High School Coolness Test
This test is based on how cool you were in High School—what crowd you
ran with, etc., but it’s still pretty accurate. You may want to send it to your friends to see if they’ve changed.
SEE IF YOU ARE STILL A COOL PERSON:
http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm