[Mr. Mulliner]

...survived a gruesome suicide attempt Friday after cutting their own arms off with a saw...

I think I finally understand. For the longest time I thought they had survived their suicide attempt because they cut their arms off. I was reading this article looking for some plan they'd put in motion to kill themselves, thinking they'd had second thoughts and escaped by cutting their arms off.

Now I see that they really are just stupid idiots who don't know how to do themselves in and have only made their lives that much more miserable.

[Grizzled Bear]

Maybe if they cut each other's heads off instead it would have worked. ;-)