Review of 24 from Dave Barry blog

Dave's blog ^ | 1/15/07 | Dave Barry

[Hugin]

24 Here is where we stand:

The federal government finally brought Jack Bauer back from China, where he spent two brutal years having makeup artists apply fake scars to his back. It goes without saying that the government brought him back for the sole purpose of getting him killed by terrorists, who are setting off bombs in various cities, including (surprise!) Los Angeles. Jack escaped by ripping out a terrorist's throat with his teeth (meaning, Jack's teeth) (at least we assume those were Jack's teeth) and immediately -- without even stopping to floss -- Jack set out to inform the federal government that it was, once again, after the wrong terrorist leader. This is understandable: in 24 World, the United States has a higher population of terrorist leaders than of squirrels. Jack contacted the president (in 24 World, it is easier to contact the president than to order a pizza) but of course the president, played by Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, did not believe him, because of the mandatory Bad Advice Advisor, played by the weenie from Ally McBeal and Numb3rs. The president now sort of believes Jack, but it May Be Too Late. Also Jack is afraid he might be going soft, because at one point he gave up on torturing a terrorist after stabbing him only once. (!) Also there is a subplot involving President Payton's sister, but it is very boring so far and mainly consists of dialogue from the Wooden Dialogue Generator, which was so active in the first two hours that many of the characters were bleeding from lip splinters. There is a more-promising subplot involving Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, who plays a terrorist stabbed in the thigh by a coffee table. (When coffee tables are outlawed, only terrorists will have coffee tables.)

We are pleased to report that Chloe is still Chloe, and Audrey is nowhere to be seen. We had one perimeter last night, but are hoping for more. Except for ripping out one guy's throat with his teeth and stabbing another guy just the one time and kicking a suicide bomber off a moving subway train and clubbing another guy with a log (possibly dialogue material) Jack has been pretty subdued, but, hey, it's early.

Carry on, people. You too, Steve.

UPDATE: OK, I am at the hotel. Either they're showing a commercial here, or Jack is selling home-theater systems.

UPDATE: OK, does the president ever talk to anybody besides these two people?

UPDATE: Hey, was that a weasel look from Tom? IS TOM THE MOLE? Don't mind me. I just got here.

UPDATE: Jack is going in!

UPDATE: They shot KUMAR!!! Didn't they see his movie, for godsakes?

UPDATE: Seriously, I don't get the feeling I missed anything here. Is that stupid?

UPDATE: It's kind of sad that the guy from "Back to the Future" is making commercials, if you ask me.

UPDATE: NO! NOT CURTIS! I am seriously starting to worry about Chloe.

UPDATE: Apparently, Jack, DOES eat.

UPDATE: OK, let's look on the bright side. This is probably covered by various homeowner insurance policies.

UPDATE: Wow. Big of the president to offer help!

UPDATE: OK, I think we can agree that this is a big step up from the cannister plot.

UPDATE: Hey! Looks like the weird bald scotch-drinking guy is back next week!

Posted by Dave on January 15, 2007 at 07:55 PM in 24 | Permalink

[Hugin]

A couple days late, but I didn't see it posted

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

It May Be Too Late.

[r9etb]

Chucklesome, but mostly it reads like a Joe-Bob Briggs movie review.

[teenyelliott]

Funny!

I love 24, but it's pretty much the terrorist version of I Love Lucy.

[Romanov]

Yep, Day 6 is off to a shaky start. I cracked up when I saw Kumar (also Van Wilder's personal assistant) playing a terrorist...