Posted on 12/31/2006 7:08:41 PM PST by Mo1
Hi Nully -- no need to send any instructions – I was given a tattered copy of Doggy´s Karma Sutra. We spent a good hour taping it up so now it actually opens like a real book and we can go through the pages without it falling apart. Even the torn pages are back in one piece again.
My MO. is – if all else fails, read the instructions, obviously Doggy is a more serious and responsible individual, he always reads the instructions first.
I can understand the excitement of the egyptologists when they discovered the Rosetta stone. With this book, the whole purpose of what you had in mind Nully, was revealed. The Swiss Army could do no better when it comes to utility.
Now, all that we needed was someone to do a bench test for us. Soooo, to tempt one of our mutual acquaintances, who could not be snowed in the standard manner. I prattled on about some law and numerous amendments, para. cods. with a few numbers with slashes, the which, in aggregate, held significance in numerology, meaning love and happiness. I took most of it from the last letter that I received from some Spanish functionary telling me why it wasn’t their job to assist me. But, government drones the world over are impressed by such gibberish – to them it is serious stuff, and makes them gather around like ants at picnic.
Ergo, SL, our very own govt. wkr. having heard those magic words, was happy take a few days off to spend an hour with us, lending her expertise and advice on procuring a license, informing OSHA, environmental impact statements. sufficiency of diversity, that this contraption was up to code, and that we had plans for a crèche before we went into operation. She has an amusing attachment to the legalities which is really quite touching. In any event, our intelligent and law abiding lotus flower felt it her public duty to assist us in testing the apparatus..
Honi soit qui mal y pense, Nully, we did not snare her for prurient reasons – in fact we both agreed that she should wear her Dennis Basso Faux Seal Coat with Faux Fox Notch Collar and the Faux Sheared Sable Hood with ruffled edges. If she should show the flexibility, as show in the diagrams of our ancient treatise, accoutered thus – then I would be convinced that wimmin really did have this amazing suppleness. My own begins and ends with the ability to stand up and sit down.
SL did suggest adding add couple of rear view mirrors and a cup holder – we decide to drop the cup holder after explaining that we would be offering our well heeled clients rather stronger stimulants. I had an idea about some anchoring hardware, but we will do that ourselves as we do not want to give you an opportunity to pad the bill by claiming to be altering the original design.
The springs still suck but SL will be talking to you about that. So now we have dispensed with the paperwork, I know you will take that into consideration in the final accounting. I also know you will not report this – so I don’t want to see any of those California taxes on the invoice, and I am reminding you of the special discount we arranged.
Now, if I take care of the springs with rubber spacers, I think an extra 20% off would not be too much to ask.. And of course, you are going to offer the 10% prompt payment incentive, but just extend it by another six months until we have the business up and running.
Don’t forget to send me a second ”IRS” invoice, 200% higher, for my accountant.
There will, no doubt, be many requests for copies of my amazing exercise bench – so we ought to arrange a little commission for referrals, but we will talk about that later.
One small item – thee were some scratches other small defects I noticed which I wrote on the delivery slip as Damaged in Transit – you are insured aren’t you?
Good news --- my Patent for the chair has arrived - my friend in the PO really came through for me this time.
Now where can I buy betel nut?
At least after a good show on the shopping networks, there's something to show for it.
Ahhh, the old "if it sounds really good it must be true" ruse....straight from the ADVANCED BS text...a class usually reserved for lawyers and politicians. Effective, nonetheless, on carefully selected targets. You learn your lessons well. A word of warning though. Very effective BS can turn simple-minded liberals into obssessive stalkers, so you should be prepared with the appropriate response when they ask you "what does all that mean?" That is where you simply say, "it means that George W. Bush is a f&*#@!n (you have to use such expletives with liberals...it's part of their language processing program) genius. That should dissipate any undesirables.
| Liar, Liar |  |
Even the best of adhesives lose their effectiveness over time.
I own the prior art, your IP lawyer did a poor job.
Think again my slide rule cox´n, know you not that we found a rickshaw puller in Delhi named, Vatsyayana ,who has sworn, and his testimony has being accepted by our hired judge, that he is the author of the Kama Sutra, and has the working drawings of the self-same artifact, for which we applied for, and have now received, a back dated Patent in Scotland under Scottish Law. Which you well know has now become part of American law.
This artifact, O stealer of IP from the third world, is also described in his cousin´s book "Pachivedas" in exact detail, as well as other secrets, such as the four classes of women, the Padmini, Chitrini, Shankini and Hastini, as also the enumeration of the days and hours on which the women of the different classes become subject to love.
The only difference, is the exquisite leather-work of Himalayan Yak shank, famed for it durability and elasticity, in place of your sucking springs.
The springs sucking is a design feature.
Indeed it is, and the only original item you may claim as you very own intellectual property. May you have joy patenting them. When you hit bottom you know you are equipped with Nully´s sucking springs. A great tag line.
No discounts.
Have a care Nully, letter are awaiting my signature to the various credit bureaus claiming monies owed, listing bad debts. slow payment, non-payment, absconding, and driving without a seat belt. Think of life in the land of the free with bad credit.
We are reasonable men --- arrangements can be made, bargains struck, payments deferred and discounts negotiated.
As you know my friend, with so many crooks out there, we businessmen must stick together.
*Ahem*
Only one mascot I know looks like a rug.........poor thing, shunned and despised by those closest to it!!!
I've done a remarkable impression of a floor rug.
As you should well know, there is great potential for gain in watching football.......couch potato gain and all that fun stuff...........
and at least you are not left with an empty bank account.......
It takes a certain cute, furry Pacific northwest mascot to make rugs and hats and such........
Proving her point........
Are you saying you're a doormat?
My boots are made for walkin',
and that's just what they'll do.
One of these days these boots are
gonna walk all over you. :P
No, floor rug.
Staring at the oddly spinning ceiling and making odd gurgling noises as my guts attempted to escape.
Oh, why couldn't I be a panda.....
Darks, you've been watching too many "Munster" episodes. You need a good dose of "Leave it to Beaver" so you can get a better idea of reality. :P
But you could move to China........
Alright......how about a koala? No such thing as a killer koala.
Actually, it was more like somethign from Rob Zombie..
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.