Posted on 08/11/2006 4:56:58 PM PDT by wagglebee
Note: A FReeper who wishes to remain anonymous has asked me to post her story of her abortion and the grief and redemption that followed. She does not seek your sympathy, she merely has a desire to possibly help young women avoid the same mistake.
In reading her story, one particular portion of Scripture came to mind:
If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.
If we say, "We have not sinned," we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. (1 John 1: 9-10)
Here is her story:
Once upon a time, in 1968 or 69, (I was taking so many drugs I don't remember exactly), I lived in a midwest city known for wild living and leftist politics. I was living the life of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Being fed on the lies of hedonism with no responsibilitiy, having been taught that there is no God in control, that you make up your own rules, and I was beyond wild. HAving read all the "right" books (Marcuse, Alan Watts, Existentialism, Stranger in a Strange Land, and more I can't remember), I felt it was my duty to break every rule of morality I could find.
The misery, loneliness, and shame I hid underneath a cloud of marijuana and hashish smoke, and lived in the subculture of degradation, with similar people who thought that we were the elite who knew "where it was at". One night, and it disgusts and shames to to write this, I had sex with two men, one after the other. I doubt if I knew their last names. I didn't really crave to, I just felt that my body didn't belong to me (and didn't believe in God, so didn't think it belonged to Him), and just rode the wave of what was happening. It was a miserble and nasty experience. The attention of men in lust was a poor substitute for real love.
In a few weeks I discovered I was pregnant. Of course neither man was capable of or desiring to have any real relationship with me or any child. I worked a lowly job, shared a house with similar fools, and had not a real friend in the world. The only option I thought of was abortion, which was legal in that state under certain circumstances. I don't even remember who brought me to the abortuary or how I paid for it. Maybe relatives paid. I was almost continually in a state of intoxication, either alcohol or drugs.
The "doctor" who helped me kill my child said nothing to me about fetal development, options, danger to myself, the possibility of adoption, or anything else. It was as "routine" as getting a wisdom tooth extracted.
After the crime of killing my baby, I was emptier than before, with another layer of hardness around my heart. I don't remember physical pain, although there may have been some. The pregnancy was filled with nausea, and now that I look back (after having had two children), I can see there was a maternal spark there that could have been fanned into life under different influences.
After that I moved to California and dove headfirst into a wildness of crazy behavior even more extreme. I won't go into details of my exploits, but I am lucky to be alive. If AIDS had been around then, I would have caught it. My shameful sexual excess knew no bounds - and at the same time, there was not a drop of "pleasure" in it. I even wanted to try out for porn movies, with a girl friend. Luckily they refused us, no doubt could see we were too green.
What happened? Long story, suffice to say I found God, or He found me. The crime of abortion is only one of many I have committed, and the past darkness of my life is now a bad dream. Later I met a woman about my age who had been pregnant around the same time, but had the baby and gave him up for adoption. If only I had known! If only someone had approached me and told me about the development of babies in the womb, and how they feel pain! If only I had seen an abortion protester with information! If only I had read an ad from people offering to adopt my baby!
To this day tears fill my eyes when I consider the terrible crime I committed, the pain I caused a living child, ripping him or her from my womb, I beg God's forgiveness when I think of what I did, and wish with all my heart that abortion was illegal, and maternity homes for unwed mothers were brought back for unfortunate girls as in the past.
People need to be taught right from wrong, and I applaud all pro-life workers. Every woman or girl who is influenced to save the life of her unborn baby will not have to carry the pain in her heart that I carry.
The destruction of the family, chastity and virtue is ruining countess millions of lives and will destroy society if not turned around. It almost ruined my life. God is so wonderful He can change the heart of the worst sinner.
I had not seen that thread but I am familiar with the group. I believe it is the one Fr. Frank is associated with.
For the last time, I didn't "tell" any story, I posted the story of an anonymous FReeper. I didn't give "pointers" or edit it in any manner.
He is very involved with "Silent No More" and "Priests for Life."
BTTT
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Amen. Well said.
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