A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a pitcher of beer, and a mop...
A sandwich walks into a bar, hops up onto the barstool, and says, "Yo, bartender, can I get a whiskey & water down here?" The bartender looks disdainfully at the sandwich and says, "We don't serve food here."
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks...
And speaking of ducks, a duck walks into a drugstore (I know, you thought I was going to say "bar", didn't you?), and asks for a tube of chapstick. The druggist says, "Will this be cash or charge?" The duck says, "Oh, just put it on my bill."
"Who put sand on my dentures?" asked Tom, through gritted teeth.
"Will you marry me, dear," asked Tom engagingly.
"Doc, Doc! I've got no left ventricle!" Tom said half-heartedly.
"I'm waiting for the leap year," he said lackadaisically.
"I've set the rear of the attic aflame," Tom fired back loftily