Posted on 06/19/2006 8:50:52 AM PDT by presidio9
Winston Churchill had a cussing parrot that apparently is still alive. Did you hear that story?
Yeah, I've heard it, but I'm not sure it's true. It does seem like a habit any parrot could have picked up during the Blitz. ;')
A guy walks into a bar in Tahiti, and there's a horse serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"
The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
A drunken guy staggers into a bar, plops down on a stool, plunks down two shoeboxes, and orders a drink. The whole time the bartender is eyeing the boxes, which are tied up with string and have some holes punched in them. The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."
The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
The bartender says, "Only if what you show me doesn't involve nudity."
"Deal!" says the guy. He pulls the string off one of the boxes and pulls out a parrot. He puts the parrot on the bar and it waddles to the end of the bar, hops down onto the floor, across the room, climbs up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing tunes. And the parrot is really good.
As a crowd starts to gather around the piano and the tip jar starts to fill, the bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before! Here's your drink!"
The guy nurses the drink for an hour, then asks the bartender for another.
"You said you've got no cash," says the bartender. The guy opens the second box and pulls out a hamster. The hamster runs down the bar, to the floor, climbs the piano, and starts to sing scat jazz to the parrot's accompaniment. The crowd grows, the tip jar overflows.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the hamster and parrot.
"No deal!"
"$500!" The stranger pulls out the cash and waves it under the guy's nose.
"Chump change!"
"Look, I have to have this act!"
"Tell ya what, you've got an honest face. I'll take the $500 for the hamster."
"Done!" The stranger throws the $500 at the guy, picks up a shoebox, runs to the piano, grabs his rat, sticks it in the box, and runs for the door as the crowd throws ice cubes and swizzle sticks at him. Only the spectacular piano playing kept them from running after the stranger.
The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing hamster for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Nope", says the guy, "the parrot's a ventriloquist."
http://www.winstonchurchill.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=862
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/3414323.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/3417353.stm
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