[Cagey]

"The Fireman's Carry"

[Cagey]

This variation of lying on one's back is known as the "Deathwish." It is characterized by hands folded on one's chest and shows the sleeper's subconscious hope that he or she will be pushed into the path of an oncoming bullet train.

Referred to as the "Hazel," this position clearly indicates that a sleeper harbors an unnatural desire to become a domestic servant.

The unusual utilization of pillows in this configuration indicates a sexual timidity, usually brought on by some sexual dysfunction such as not being able to "get any" even after dating livestock.

Scientists have no idea what this position represents, but it certainly does give one what experts call "the willies."